A Painful Secret

A painful secret locked away from the world's glaring eyes
A painful life gone astray from the wondering lights
A painful day and a painful night over and over makes a painful life
A painful disease that haunts the mind, that cripples the muscles after a painful time.

Others mock and glare upon the one who suffers from this painful ride
They try to tell what you should and shouldn't do
They say you are well when sickness is abounded in you
They hustle and hustle because they can't understand a painful mind. 

I run and run far as I can, in my mind I'm in a new found land
Away from greed and pain and fear, away from the decaying substance that lies here
Far I run away further still to a place where no pain lives
A place that you don't cry, you don't feel pain, and you don't die. 

Since we know Heaven is this place and I know I can't go there today
I retreat to another place like Rainbow Land where me and Rainbow Brite can play
Until the day the Lord calls me home, my imagination is what gets me through
From the crowds onlooking stares to a mob of ignorance saying what's this you have in you, what's this disease, it can't be true. 

Just let me lie in my place, let me daydream the day away
And let me keep the secrets still of the horrible things I feel
Yes I keep most of it to myself, if I told them the truth there would be no end
No end in sight from a horrible disease one of which tears at me.     

 

Life Choices

Thinking about your life and the choices you have made may either make you happy or sad. For me as with most people I imagine, it is a combination of both. There are choices I've made that were not the right ones. But then there are choices that were. I know we all struggle to make the best choices possible. This is why we all need God. To make the wisest choices we should have an example to follow by. And that example is God.

I have tried to follow God as best as I could all my life. I would like to think that it was my doing, as human we often want to praise ourselves, but to be honest it wasn't my doing at all. Truth be told if certain things had not occurred in my life I probably wouldn't even know God. Because my natural tendency as a human, and even more as my hot tempered family would prove fighting and cursing comes naturally to us. So you may think wow it must be hard for her to not want to fight or to get along with people. Well the answer to that is no. Because when I was young I turned to God and asked him to help me not to be like that. So I don't find it too hard, what I find hard and what I continually have to work on is when I do get mad curse words just want to come out. That is what I struggle with. But to make my point here, a lot of bad things happened to me early in life. Things I could not deal with or cope with. It took these things for me to find my relationship with God. Some people may blame God, but I don't I thank him. Yes thank him, because even though some things may scar me for life, or some wounds may cut deep, or a certain rare genetic blood disease may not be curable by human hands, all these things took God for me to make it through. So I know God did not cause the bad things to happen to me, because I am well aware that when sin entered the world so did its consequences such as sickness, pain, and death. God was not responsible for man to sin, nor does he cause evil, no people get it mixed up, when God turns evil into good, he did not cause that evil, but he is God and he can work with anything even turning that evil which was caused by sin or satan into good. So even though I know someday I may die, someday I may get so sick I can't even think for myself anymore, I know that because in these trials I choose to come to God instead of ignore him or blame him. I choose to follow God, to accept him into my heart and life, that someday because I did I will make Heaven.