All About Me!!!

Ok, so it's been a long time since I wrote anything really about myself. Most of what I write is poems or about God or my sickness or what I'm up to. So here is a mini all about me story.

When I was little I was full of energy and usually ended up bouncing off the walls! Not literally!  I loved dancing. I would come home from school and dance for hours. I was always listening to music. I remember being in school and all I could think about was going home turning the music on and dancing. Then as I got older I got sick and the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. My parents took me to all kinds of doctors, I had all kinds of tests and procedures done. It got to the point where I was sick of needles, sick of tests, and sick of the doctor. In general I was just sick of being sick. It wasn't until my senior year of high school the doctors found out I had a rare genetic blood disease called Porphyria. Still there are eight different kind of Porphyria and the doctors didn't know which kind I had. I would have to wait a few more years to know that I had Coproporphyria. It can be extremely painful. I have been through a lot with this disease. I don't even know how to begin to tell what all I've been through. It was frustrating because I would tell people I was sick, but because I didn't always look sick, because they didn't understand the disease or never even heard of it they didn't believe me. I would get so sick of explaining my disease, explaining yes I am sick. It stole years off my life. My friends moved on without me, my family disliked me, it was only me and my parents and God. Then my dad got lung cancer which ended up being cured and he is currently in remission. But out of that I met an oncologist/hematologist, my dad's doctor. He knew about blood disorders and was able to help me. There is no cure for what I have. But with prayer, food, and medicine I'm able to manage it better now. I still have moments, days, where I don't feel good, I have to fight through the pain and suffering to keep moving on. Currently I'm back in college working on my degree. I'm getting close to finishing in a little over a year. I love to write, I used to write a lot more than I do now. I would just spend hours writing spilling out my emotions and thoughts. I love art. Painting is one of my passions. Even though I'm not the best painter I still love it. Most of my artwork is very abstract. I have a unique way I see the world. I believe all things are possible through God. Even things we can't understand. I have a child like sense of wonder maybe fairies could be real, I would love for mermaids, unicorns, dragons, etc to really exist. A lot of the time I'm in my own little world. Even though I have grown up and seen the world I do still maintain that sense of wonder something I hope to keep with me forever. 

No time

This is an old poem I wrote a long time ago I just found it and thought I'd share it.

Trapped inside a world full of confusion and doubt, fear creeps in and work his way all around.
There's no time to pray and there's no time to breathe, there's only time to worry about tomorrow and what tomorrow brings.
But don't worry, don't let fear take hold, for Jesus will heal you, Jesus will make you whole. 
Just don't worry just live and let be. Take hold of life's reigns and be the best you can be. 

Rainy Day

So I'm sitting inside on a gloomy rainy day and hearing on the news that there has been several accidents. This morning as I was driving and saw the firetrucks and ambulances go by I prayed for the people they were going to help and I can't keep but thinking days like this aren't fun. When it seems like life goes wrong and nothing works out right, you feel like throwing your hands up and giving up but if we had just a little more patience and a lot more faith in God we would see things aren't always as bad as we think they are. Maybe everyone in the accidents are alright and not hurt. Maybe we need the rain to keep from having a drought. It only looks gloomy because the sky is gray and rainy and it makes us feel gloomy. But sometimes we must go beyond what we feel inside that makes us feel down and sad and think of the better days ahead. How that when we trust in God He will help us and work everything out for us when we put our faith in him. 

Seeing the Good, Being the Good

In a world that is filled with controversy, pain, and hate I try to see the good in things. But I realize it's not just about seeing the good in things, it's about being the good as well. When things around you seem hopeless and anger is in the air be the one that calms it. When the spirit is failing and hope seems lost be the peace that breaks the storm. Of course you can't do this on your own. It isn't actually you on your own. It is by letting God be the center of your world and letting his peace, and his spirit walk you through the tough times in life that you can come from a place of calm and peace and say enough, peace be still. 

God Brings Only Good

Going through any kind of hardship tests your faith. Some people blame God, some people think God is responsible for bringing on hardships in our lives. Yet God doesn't bring anything bad on us. When we are going through hard times we must remember that we are humans, humans sin, humans are born, grow, and die. Life can be good and it can be hard but nothing bad ever comes from God. We must remember that because of sin comes death and since man's first sin consequences followed. Those consequences being death. So we must remember that God brings only good things to us and in trials he can help us through and make something beautiful out of something bad. For God only brings good.

James 1:13King James Version (KJV)

13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:

Porphyria Update

This is for all the ladies out there that has Porphyria and horrible periods. I have found a new way to help relieve some of the horribleness on your periods. Tylenol Precise Cream. Yep, rub that where it hurts, most places anyways, and it may sting or burn, but I will say that it will make the horrible unbearable pains better. I found this out today. God of course will help ease any pain, he has always been there with me through these times. I remember when my periods were really bad and I would have to "sleep it off" I would wake up and I could feel the presence of God in the room and could hear angels singing church hymns. And I would know that God had got me through it again. Back then we didn't have pain patches and pain creams like we do today. Just a heating pad, and one wasn't enough believe me. For those who have semi normal periods and don't know what I'm talking about. Think of it like this, you wake up with searing pain through your abdomen, pelvis, sides, thighs, basically everywhere. You go to the bathroom and hope and pray you can finish in time to make it back to the bed, before you pass out, start seeing white spots everywhere, or become so engulfed with pain that it is unbearable. Then you hit the bed and you have to throw up but can't force yourself to get up so you throw up on the floor and maybe a little on the bed, you have blood running down your legs even though you have old granny panties and a pad on. You toss and turn but nowhere can you find any comfort. Your blood pressure drops low and your face becomes white as a ghost, you feel the ghostly whiteness throughout your body. You fear for your life and pray that you will live through this. This is not your typical period. This is a Porphyria attack in period form. Most people don't understand this, you try to explain to them how it feels, but no words could come. You sweat so bad you lie in a pool of your own sweat. You try to talk and you can't, your mouth is dry and you can't form any words, so you just motion with your hands to whoever happens to be there. You have barely just taken a pain pill, everything in your body hurts beyond reason, like searing pricks throughout your veins that has leaped through into your muscles and has now left you paralyzed in pain. And your last and only hope is God. That is what a Porphyria period is like. UNBEARABLE! So I just wanted to share that Tylenol Precise Cream helps a little with the pain for those who need it.

Porphyria: My Breaking Point

Sometimes life tends to be a bit messy. For me it is a constant threat. I try to be good, a Christian, and a light force for Christ Jesus. But so often I feel as if I failed. The disease that enthrones my body never lets me forget my failures, it constantly brings me to a place of pain and frustration, sadness, fear. It seems like I am always sick. Yesterday I went to the doctor and found out I have two different kinds of infection. I got a cortisone shot for the pain only to have an allergic reaction to it. I thought that I would end up in the emergency room like before when I had allergic reaction to medicines. But this reaction was quite different. As if a Porphyria attack such as sharp knives gauged at my stomach, then several hard places, like hard circles in my stomach, sides, back, and legs started throbbing as if they all had heart beats that were throbbing erratically and about to explode. The first thought that came to my mind was my grandfather's death and how he had blood clots all over his body when he died. My worst fear is dying like he died. But I know that his death doesn't mean that it would be mine. Otherwise God wouldn't have healed me when he did and saved me from death when I was younger when the disease tried to take my life. I know that I am here for a reason. So last night when I was sure I was going to need an emergency room, and I started sobbing and telling my mom she prayed for me. And through prayer God heard our cry and I started to feel better right away. I always forget that my mom is very sensitive to her father's death, not long after she started crying as well and I had to console her. Sometimes I try to keep stuff to myself that involves him because I know that it will upset her. But I needed her help at last, I needed someone to pray for me. And so did she need someone to pray for her. See we all need prayer, our worst fears will consume us without prayer, and our sickness will kill us without it. For me prayer and God is the only thing in this world that keeps me going. I would not be where I am today without God. I would not be alive today without God. God is what keeps me grounded. Otherwise the sickness would overcome me and I would not be able to go on. The sadness I feel with this sickness can be unbearable, the emotional turmoil, the physical pain that has been said is one of the worst painful diseases in the world, the battles to be fought are unbearable on your own. No, without Jesus Christ I could not overcome and would not be alive today. Last night I was reminded of the times God has healed me over and over again, saved me from death, brought me back from the dead, and kept me alive to tell his miracles and mercies another day.

 

Locked Away Like A Fairy Tale

A lost slipper, long tresses of gold, a sleeping beauty the story beholds.
Lost in a never ending wonderland, dreams awake and nightmares begin.

Just like a princess locked up in a castle tower, a wondering mermaid looking for her place between two worlds.
My story is no different than a fairy tale. Only a happy ending is still to be here.

Caught in a world of mass confusion. I suffer daily dis-allusions.
Living in a prison cell all my own. Locked up in my own body that's true imprisonment.
A blood disease, a curse, and no cure. I live in pain, both physical and mental.
Sometimes I think one wrong step will put me away for life, like they would come and get me and lock me up in a straight jacket.

If I told the world the real amount of pain I was in. They wouldn't know what on earth was keeping me here. They couldn't understand how I deal with the pain. Even I don't know how I get through the days. I can just count it all to faith. The power of God is mighty and the disease small.

Remember this next time you think your life is too tough. Most people don't know what true pain is, sheer horror that can only be felt inside, feeling like your blood is roasting you alive. Lost in a world of science fiction and reality, you never know just what to believe. So I turn to God as my only source of comfort in these things. Only God can save me from a horrible fate. I pray one day there is a cure and no other person has to suffer like I do. I pray that they find God if they are sick too.

The Whole Duty Of Man

Ecclesiastes Chapter 12: 13

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

I've been reading in Ecclesiastes lately and I have to admit I love this book! How in depth he was and in chapter 12:8 it says: Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.

I love this, he's always talking about vanity and evil under the sun. While some people may avoid Ecclesiastes because they don't understand it. I totally get it. It's one of my favorite books in the bible. Ecclesiastes is genesis! It puts things into prospective in our lives. Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity. How deep and meaningful that is to me! No matter what we work and accomplish here on earth if it is not for God it is vanity and meaningless! Our hearts, our souls, our spirits must be so in tuned with God that our hands do no evil, our hearts turn not from God, our mind is constantly filled with good thoughts of God. These is what is right. Filling ourselves with worldly lusts and desires will get us nowhere. Having dreams that fulfill our meaningless goals in life is all vanity and a waste, evil under the sun as he says in this book. Life without God is simply not an option for me. And it shouldn't be for each and every one of you. Life with God is so much better! Even though were humans and have problems in life, God is good and always there to help us even if it's in ways we do not understand. Roads we take may be hard, but it may improve our character so that God is polishing the diamond to make it shine brighter than ever before. Maybe the wrong turn you made wasn't God's will, it was just apart of life's circle and God take that and turns it into something wonderful! I love when God performs miracles, I love it when he baffles the medical field, when doctors can't explain what happened to me or anyone who's ever been sick and gotten a negitive test result back and then miraclousy that problem was gone, just like that. When God reaches down and touches our body, I can still feel his hands as he turned my insides around that night I was prayed for and got healed! I may have sickness, and I may even die again and not return back to life, because God did not promise any of us forever here on earth, he did promise us forever in eternity in Heaven with him if we give our hearts and lives to him. If we do that everything will work out.

Back to the first verse Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. I can't believe I've never gotten it before. I know that I was saved many years ago, my heart has always been pure and I have always loved the Lord, but I thought I had to do all these things for God, I thought I had to single handedly change the world and point them to God. For years I wanted to become a famous singer and or writer (I still do, it's my passion- besides God of course!) But it was never for my benefit. Sure it would be cool to be famous and all, but that's not what I'm after, I'm not in it for me, I'm in it for God. I want to go to Hollywood and stand up tall and point to the cross of Christ. I want the world to see this God I know and love and see what he's done for me and through me and somehow change people's lives for the better, I want to point people to Christ. Not shine in my own light, but make God shine through me. This is something that people did not get from me for years. They wondered why I was so obsessed with becoming famous, it wasn't for me, it was for God. I felt that if I could stand tall for all the world to see, that I could change the world and point people to Christ. I see that in this verse it says to Fear God and keep his commandments that is the whole duty of man. Fear which may mean to reverence the Lord, which I do and keep his commandments which I try to do to the best of my ability, that's it. Living for God is so simple and for years I thought I had to turn over cities just to be good enough for God. But all I had to do was to be myself and let my true light shine in me and God can work through that.

Preparing Against The Wiles Of The Devil

Ephesians 6: 10-18

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.

This passage to me tells me that we are not in a physical battle where we can always see our enemies and fight them. But we are in a Spiritual battle where our enemy is satan and sometimes it may be difficult for us to tell where he is and what snares he's trying to throw in our way. So we must be in prayer and our spirit must agree with the spirit of God, so that we will be ready for any kind of distress or persecution the enemy may bring upon us.

Blown Away

It's hard for me to hear about the tornado's lately and all the destruction it has caused. Especially in Joplin, MO which isn't far from me, that really scares me the most. I have grown up in areas where tornado's were common my whole life. And they would come and go, but I have never seen anything like this where they have just started tearing up towns. It seems in the past couple of years that the weathers have started to turn and that things are getting worse. Could this be a sign of the times? It says in the Bible that weather will change and things will become worse and that's when you know the coming of the Lord is soon. Now, I'm not one of those people that will tell you oh God is coming on this day, THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS!! The bible says NO MAN knows the day or the hour of the Lord's return, so when I hear about people saying oh the Lord will come back on this day, I want to start laughing because that is not what the bible says. But it does say to be aware of the time. So could we be close? Well we are closer than ever before. But our definition of closeness and God's is two different things. We are aware of time going by, the bible says one day to God is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like one day. So yes we are close to the coming of the Lord, but when I do not know, perhaps this year, or maybe next, or maybe 10 years from now. The point is not to try and sit down and pin point the exact day, because the bible says that's not possible, because NO MAN knows the day or the hour of the Lord's return. Only the Father knows. All we can do is to prepare our hearts for the coming of the Lord. Whether he comes back today, next week, in 3 years we will never know until it actually happens. But we do need to prepare our hearts, accept Christ as your saviour, believe he died on the cross and rose from the grave on the third day and believe he is God. Just prepare yourself is all you can do. As for the destruction of tornadoes and bad weather, what will be will be. So do not worry, tornadoes come and go, hopefully they go more than they come. But as long as we are ready to meet God we will be good. I don't like tornadoes, I do get scared, but I know I have to trust in God and everything will work out. Whether God spares us from it or we all get blown away, no matter what happens, I must trust in God. And I will be just fine. No devil from hell can take away my peace unless I let him. So to all those that are suffering loss and destruction tonight, I pray for you. I pray you will find peace as well, and that your hearts are ready for God, and that your gains out way your losses. God have mercy on us all and God bless the USA!

Peace to all tonight, for those that have gone, may they be in Heaven's open door, for those that are left behind, may they find the peace to carry on through the storm. And for the tornadoes still awaiting us, may they not come or at least not cause any more destruction. And let the God of peace heal our broken hearts as we get through this time of destruction.

Her Faith Is Strong

Tiring was these times for her yet she continued on her way.

Restless were the nights she saw the demons fighting her each day.

Painful were the thorns in her side as she wrestled every day.

Yet she carried on, being, believing in God, keeping high her faith.

While others laughed and mocked the way she was.

She knew that there would be better days.

Every curse they snare upon her, she rebuked it and went on her way.

Strong she was inside of her, yet weak her body she lay.

Even though the disease was affecting her.

She continued on her way.

Knowing that God, was good and faithful, never leaving her side.

Knowing that a crown he'd put on her when her race of life was run.

When others betrayed her, God soon became her best friend.

While demons attacked her, God gave peace to her in these times.

When the hours were long and the pain was too much, God soon made a way for her.

When everything comes crumbing down before her, she holds fast to God faithful hand.

God Does Heal

First, I don't think God puts stuff on us. God is pure and holy he doesn't cause bad things to happen. I believe that because with man there is sin in the world, and sin brings conquesences. If anyone is to blame it's sin and the devil. I never think God has brought anything on me. I feel the opposite. I could have never made it through without him. When I was little well I had a horrible childhood. The sickness was undiagnosed then and I would be sick and no one knew what was wrong, causing problems with me. It affects the way I think, like I get paranoid sometimes, hysterical, anxiety attacks, it also causes diharreaha, then constipation, blood from rectum, etc. I've had 2 colonospy's in my life and I'm still in my 20's, I have also had a semiosopy thing. Some horrible tests done, that I never want to have to do again! What feels like hundreds of blood work, needles, mri's, cat scans, x-rays, you name and I've probablly have had it done. I felt like I was going insane, and finally they put me on anti depressants, The thing is I'm not a depressed person, the disease causes severe mood changes, like one minute I will be so happy and feeling a thousand miles high, and the next I feel as though I've hit rock bottom. I'm on 2 100 mg of Zoloft a day. Yeah, nice huh. LOL. I also have xanax as needed, I have a mucsule relaxer, cause certain parts of my body will start twitching for no appareant reason, it also helps keeps the miragrane headaches away. Will I guess there really tension headaches, but there horrible. I also have prescription pain pills I take as needed, when I'm on my period that's every single day of the period, some twice a day. It's horrible. I've been admitted to the hospital because of my period, because my blood pressure has fallen really low and I get week, dizzy, extreme pain everywhere and feel like I'm dying. I can only say that the grace of God has gotten me through them. I remember when I was younger and first started having the horrible periods, I would have to sleep them off with a heating pad, I really needed ten heating pads, but I remember when I would wake up I would feel the prescence of God in the room and could hear church hymns being sung, and I would think to myself God has gotten me through it again. I have felt him heal my stomach when the stomach pain was so sharp and intense like a thousand stabbing knives twisting my stomach apart. I've been prayed for and I have felt God's healing power. I know I'm alive today because he spared my life. I acutally have a death story I could tell you. I was going to die, if not died one night in my sleep, It was like I was about to reach Heaven's doors, and then I woke up gasping for breath and I could smell this horrible smell, like the smell of death, and I knew God had spared my life. So you see, I could have never made it in this life without the healing power of God. I also have head problems as well.

Ok, second my head pains. Like almost 3 years ago I had a very bad car wreck and totaled the car. I blacked out for a second and came too thinking I shouldn't be alive. I know God is protecting me. I had a concussion and have had head / neck pain ever since then. I've had mri's, but they've always been normal. So I just have pain to deal with from that sometimes. A lot really. But I always tell myself it could be worse, I could be dead, totally messed up or worse. I know that God has always been with me and healed me and spared my life. I have huge faith in God and God's healing power. I believe the verse that says if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed you can move mountains, or something like that. I have a lot of faith in healing from God. And it's because I've read the stories in the Bible and believed them, then knew God could heal me, and then felt his healing in me over and over again. So even though I suffer, God never promised we would have it easy, and I think sometimes we bring things on ourselves, like I blame only myself for the car wreck, if I hadn't looked down for that split second I wouldn't have hit the car in front of me when they stopped suddenly. But anyhow, so I don't give into the notion that God brings us pain, because I believe he doesn't, I believe that he helps us through the pain, we just sometimes need the faith to believe he's capable of anything, even healing something like what I have Porphyria, any other kind of disease or even aids, something there's no cure for, God can do anything, just pray and believe and it will happen. That's how I look at things, God will take care of me. I have very strong beliefs on God and his healing power.

God Is Already There

When the burdens of life overcome you
When all hope seems like it's gone from you
When the worries of the world weighs on you
Rest assure that God is already there.

When life seems like it's given up on you
When hope is gone and you lost all faith too
When times are rough and you have nobody to turn to
Rest assure that God is already there.

Even at the bad times of life,
Even if the road is too hard to walk,
Or if the mountain is too steep to climb,
Rest assure that God is already there.

God is there with you through the good and the bad.
God will never leave you alone.
Even when you feel like nobody's there,
In the silence you can hear God through a prayer.
Rest assure that God is already there.

A Psalm in the Night

A Psalm in the night. That’s all I have to offer you is a Psalm in the night. My thoughts betray me, my mind is heavy and I am sleepless and frightened. Like a child of the dark, or of a monster under her bed. I am alone in a dark place and it scares me, no lights, and no lights about to guide me out of this maze of insecurity. I am frightened, I feel helpless, but I know I’m not alone, not completely, because I know that through it all, in it all, and above it all, I will always have God with me. He is my protector of the night, my guide to the new light. The only one who can save me from losing all grips on reality. He is my only hope. There is no cure for this disease, which plagues me day by day and slowly wears down on the particles of my being. Man cannot help me anymore. I can take no more medicine, I can find no cure. My only salvation is in God. I feel God making me stronger and leading me day by day. And I know that if anyone can cure me or get me through this, it is God. He is freeing me from this prison cell I’m in. There’s no bars, no doors, but I am trapped and cannot get out, but my help is coming, my help is coming in the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ. Jesus thou son of David have mercy on me.

Belief

Belief is something a lot of people have trouble with. What do you believe in? That's the main question everyone needs to be asked. But instead of analyzing everyone else. Here's what I believe in.

I Believe.....................................

1) I believe in God, about all else God is very real.
2) I believe in Heaven and Hell. Yes satan too.
3) I believe that true love is out there for those who are meant for it. No I do not believe that everyone is given a perfect partner here on earth. Look at Apostle Paul. He never married. So no, I don't believe in soul mates.
4) I believe in good and evil, there is a great battle being fought whether anyone is aware of it or not. A battle of good and evil is going on right before your eyes.
5) I believe in miracles, this should really be number 3. This is a very important belief for me. Miracles are the core of my very existence.
6) I believe in the possibilities of other beings. No no little green men with antenna's saying take me to your leader, but you never know what is all out there. After all this is a big big world, we would be very arrogant to assume that were the only ones here. I mean, for instance have you ever wondered if fairies were real, or if unicorns really do exist? I no it might sound strange, but it's something to think about.
7) And this should be with one and two, I believe in the word of God. The power of the Word. The power God gives his Christians when they are truly made followers of Christ. The power you have when you witness to a lost soul, when you lay your hands on someone to pray for them to be healed, when you pray that you will get by somehow and know that you don't know how except by the divine hand of God. No, we ourselves posses no great power in us. It is only through Christ we gain powers of children of God when we are born again. We get Spiritual Gifts. We just need to pray more on how to use them. Because a lot of people, I'm guilty too, don't always use the Spiritual Gifts God has given you.

I believe in a lot of things, but those are the core fundamentals. I also believe that this world is coming to an end. The book of Revelations tells us all about it; read it. Now, there talking about strange things happening on the news, bizarre weather occurrences, fights over seas, fights right here in our own towns and cities. But what we need to remember is to look to the sky. God is coming back. The bible says when Israel is surrounded to look up. God will protect his chosen ones.


So look up and be prepared, someday we will all have to give an account of our beliefs...

So what do you believe in?????????????????????

God knows and is Waiting.

I know I grunt, moan, kick, and fight. But I really just want a normal life. I try to hide the way I feel, the pain I'm in, the tears I shed. I try to hide myself from the world. But I can't hide from everyone. God knows my heart and my hurts and pains, He knows my feelings, and every single ache and mistake I've made. He knows I'm tired and scared, and his hand is reached out to help me cope with all this. I know God understands me, he is the one who created me. I know he heals my hurt and pain, cause when I'm at my lowest he always brings me to higher ground. I know that I wouldn't be here today without the help of God and his mercy and grace. I know that God is watching me and has a pair of angels out to guide me. I know that God is here today, I feel his presence, mercy, and grace. I know that God loves me he hung on a tree and shed his blood for you and me. I know that God could do the same for you, if you let him in. Open up the flood gates of your heart, let go of your pain, forget about your past mistakes, and show God your ready for a change. God is ready to take you in. Will you open up for him?

I do NOT blame God!!

I too have gone through the grief process with having porphyria. I went through the why me part, to the I can get over it part, and the Denial I don't have this part. To the God can heal me and He did so I can live with this part. I understand that it is necessary to go through the grief process with any kind of illness really. Because you have to go through or at least it just seems like you do when your sick like that. Some sort of grief process anyways. I started mine when I was in junior high. After I had been really sick and it wasn't going away. And I think I just come to terms with it just this last year or so, cause I would go through my denial phases where I don't have this, I can do anything stage!! WRONG! Anyways, I agree God does not put on us more than we can handle. But I also have a weird outlook on things myself. I don't think God gave me this diease, I don't think God gave the lady at my church cancer, I don't think God made any little baby be born deformed, I don't think God causes anyone to commit a crime, I don't think God is reasonible for any kind of sickness or cruelty in this world, rape, murder, etc. Because God created a good and perfect world. He created man and woman good and perfect. And WE chose to sin. With sin came sickness, and death. It wasn't God who created those things. We did. The person who murders someone is responsible of their own actions, no body else. You can say he was tricked by the devil, but even the devil didn't comit the crime, that man did. The devil lays all kinds of temptations for everyone, he alone brings in bad to this world, but the people who fall into those tempations are responsible for their own falling, their own actions and sins, no one else, not even the devil. So to me God did not make me with any kind of sickness. He made me a perfect body. As for gentic disorders well my theory is that through each generation with sin and coruptness they some how get worse. Like our body mutates or something. I know it sounds weird, but I have a HUGE problem with people who blame God for ANYTHING, sickness, death, a crime, anything. Because it's NOT HIS FAULT!! He didn't create the crime in this world, people did. And with sin comes all sorts of other things. So even though I do have a rare blood disease, that is uncurable, to some extent untreatable, and has already tried to take my life, and may yet try to take it again, I DO NOT and WILL NOT blame God for it, because I know God did not give it to me, sin did. Look on the positive side of life, there's always a silver lining. I guess no matter what happens, no matter what the devil throws my way, no matter how sick I get, no matter what people done or will do to me, I will always belive in the goodness and perfect grace of Jesus Christ, and I will always know that God is GOOD and no bad comes from good. And that's how I know He died for us, that's how I know He came to save us, that's how I know I had to put my complete faith and trust in Him and NOBODY ELSE! He alone gives me the strength each day to even get out of bed, He alone gives me the happiness I feel through the storms I face EACH day of my life. He alone gives me grace to slid through the storms and overlook all the bad that seems to come my way, it's HE ALONE that GETS ME THROUGH EACH DAY!!!

Following Christ!

In today's world it's hard to be a Christian. But if your going to be a Christian the important thing to remember is to stay strong. The world might try to tare you down, destroy your faith, invade your mind with self doubt. But that's when you need to go to the Lord in prayer and pray for Spiritual strength, help, and guidance. It is good to read the Bible in times of despair. Psalms 91 is a complete Psalm of how God will bless us and keep us safe. When I feel scared I read or pray this Psalm. I also enjoy Psalms 139. This Psalm talks about God's endurance and how He knows everything and sees everything. It is comforting to me to know God is always there watching no matter what, and even if we fall astray God is right there to pick us up again and set us back on the right track. Remember no matter what your going through or no matter how hard it may seem right now, God is always right there by your side. There is nothing that can or will come against you that God can not handle. When the devil comes knocking at your door say just a moment, Father God can you answer this please, and let the devil get a surprise guest!!! The best way to fight the devil and the doubters of this world is to have great faith, even when you doubt have faith, faith is the most important thing in this world that gets stuff accomplished. Also pray, when you stay in prayer it leaves no or little room for the devil to invade or say creep up on you unawares. Read the Word, when you read your Bible your hearing from God, this is His communication to you. When you pray your communicating to Him, when you read His Word He is communicating to you. Never give up, even when you think there's no hope, there's always hope, there's always a way out, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Resist the devil and he will flee from you, this means staying away from things you know will bring you doubt or fear, staying away from places that will bring you doubt or fear, staying away from people that will lead you away from God. Also you can rebuke the devil. The Bible says if you rebuke the devil in the name of Jesus Christ he has to flee. And always, always trust in God!!!