The Runner

Running far and fast, in her mind that is all she has.
To run far and fast, to get away from the demons of her past.
Running ever still, not stopping to catch a breath.
Her life has been a constant downhill. Filled with failure and not success.
No one could understand her pain, the disease she suffered from. 
The emotional pain she felt inside, that she so desperate tried to hide. 
But here she is at a breaking point. 
The demons in her life are gathered to overtake her.
So she runs far away from them, she runs to catch Jesus.
She feels if she can run fast and far enough God will catch her before she meets a ghastly end.
Save me she cries, so loud her voice but no words come out. 
Save me from this maddening hell I live in. Save me from the constant pain and death I feel. Save me from myself.
She runs, so fast and so far, running to get away from the broken heart, the diseased girl that didn't have any friends, the tortured soul that just wanted to be let in, the abandon child that prayed to live, a house divided can't stand. 
Run, run, far away, don't look back and you might be safe. 
In Jesus' arms I commit myself today, my hope and trust lies in him and my life will show that Jesus lives!!!!!!!

Porphyria Update

This is for all the ladies out there that has Porphyria and horrible periods. I have found a new way to help relieve some of the horribleness on your periods. Tylenol Precise Cream. Yep, rub that where it hurts, most places anyways, and it may sting or burn, but I will say that it will make the horrible unbearable pains better. I found this out today. God of course will help ease any pain, he has always been there with me through these times. I remember when my periods were really bad and I would have to "sleep it off" I would wake up and I could feel the presence of God in the room and could hear angels singing church hymns. And I would know that God had got me through it again. Back then we didn't have pain patches and pain creams like we do today. Just a heating pad, and one wasn't enough believe me. For those who have semi normal periods and don't know what I'm talking about. Think of it like this, you wake up with searing pain through your abdomen, pelvis, sides, thighs, basically everywhere. You go to the bathroom and hope and pray you can finish in time to make it back to the bed, before you pass out, start seeing white spots everywhere, or become so engulfed with pain that it is unbearable. Then you hit the bed and you have to throw up but can't force yourself to get up so you throw up on the floor and maybe a little on the bed, you have blood running down your legs even though you have old granny panties and a pad on. You toss and turn but nowhere can you find any comfort. Your blood pressure drops low and your face becomes white as a ghost, you feel the ghostly whiteness throughout your body. You fear for your life and pray that you will live through this. This is not your typical period. This is a Porphyria attack in period form. Most people don't understand this, you try to explain to them how it feels, but no words could come. You sweat so bad you lie in a pool of your own sweat. You try to talk and you can't, your mouth is dry and you can't form any words, so you just motion with your hands to whoever happens to be there. You have barely just taken a pain pill, everything in your body hurts beyond reason, like searing pricks throughout your veins that has leaped through into your muscles and has now left you paralyzed in pain. And your last and only hope is God. That is what a Porphyria period is like. UNBEARABLE! So I just wanted to share that Tylenol Precise Cream helps a little with the pain for those who need it.

How to Survive

How to survive a horrible Porphyria attack. This could go for any kind of painful attack or anything that would upset you, just basically how to survive. Lately I've been having really bad attacks, I start shaking uncontrollably and I get real scared and paranoid like. It's always at night right before I go to bed. It's as if I am breaking down or something. It gets worse, but who wants to know every detail?

How to Survive:

Steps 1-every one else....

PRAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right folks, when anything bad happens to me, severe anxiety attacks, horrific painful periods, horrific pains of any kind, life in general, anything that can and will go wrong. I stop and pray. I'm constantly praying in my mind. I believe it's what keeping me going and getting me through each and every day. It's what gives me strength to carry on. We can do all things through Christ. Remember that bible verse. There's a ton more too about God and how to be peaceful. Psalms 91 is a good one, I like Psalms, Psalms 91 and 139 are my favorite. I can pretty much quote them by heart. He that dewellth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty, I will say of the Lord he is my refuge......

I can carry on for Christ!!

So you all know I have this rare gentic blood disease. And being that, it can cause me a lot of pain. There are days where I think I'm going to die because the pain is just too much for me to bear, it's too much for anyone to bear. It's as if I'm being operated on alive, and there are sharp knives stabbing me all over my body. And I pray to God for mercy, and He always shows me mercy. But one thing that gets me through the pain and suffering I go through since my disease is one of the most painful diseases out there. When I'm being attacked by the pain I think Christ died on the cross for my sins, all are sins, if He can bear that much pain, more so than any human would ever have to bear, surely I can get through this. And Jesus by the mercy of God gets me through it. Cause I know that Christ beared a lot more pain than I'll ever have to. And He always has and always will see me through my hour of pains.

Painful Accommodations

Wiffled by pain inside myself. Stuck by pricks of undefiend health.
Traveling in labor of no apparent kind, sharp knives stick, point, and grind at my insides.
Wallowing in ballows of pain, lights going out on a clear day. Spots appear and my eye sight fades as I grope for the bed and some relief of any kind.
Pain pills won't do it, heating pads can't help, I'm grumbled into a gigantic painful mess.
God, I cry in my desperation, please save me from my hour of these painful accommodations.
So I wait on the Lord, as He is my strength and slowing I regain sight and speech. My mind clears of painful thoughts, my body frees of painful pricks.
I know the Lord has been merciful to me once again. I know the Lord has saved me from myself, my pain, my mess. Thank you Jesus!

Painful days!!

The last few days has been rough on me. So painful. I hate dealing with a rare disease cause it magnifies everything else 10 times to what it normally should be, and no one understands the constant pain I'm in. I will be so happy if they ever come out with a cure for Porphyria. Sometimes I don't think I can make it through any more attacks or painful days, and it's almost feels like I'm sliping away. But then somehow God always reaches down and touches me and makes the pain go away and saves my life over and over again from this horrid disease that's tried to take it so many times. It comes to a point to where you can't even take any more pain pills, because you've already taken enough, and too many aren't good for you. So you just live in horrid pain. If only we had the Pool of Siloam here like they did in the Bible days, I'd rush my tired crippled hurting body to the pool, even though I can't swim, and jump in and let God heal me and completly rid me of this disease. And then pray I don't drown, lol. But life is full of mistakes, bad things, and pain. I guess we just have to shift through the bad and bring out the good in everything. My bad has brought good in my walk with God, it's shown me the healing power of God and how faith can truely save a soul and heal a body, with trust in God.