Dear God

Dear God,

 Dear God I know I'm wrong a lot in most things I do. And I know that I am not even worthy of you. I know I have no right to ask, but please hear my plea. I feel as if this life of mine is heading on the brink of insanity. This rare genetic blood disease I have is eating me alive. And God I know that I don't always do what I should, but I think about you day and night. I pray and read my bible too, and I know this is not enough. I know I can never repay your great mercy and love when you came Lord Jesus Christ to this earth of ours. And became man, but still God, to die on a cross for us. I know that some don't understand the agony you went through. With this rare genetic blood disease I have I can only imagine some of the things you must have went through. And that scares me because I know your pain was a lot worse than mine. For the worlds sin and shame you took on yourself that day. I understand the price you paid for my soul and others. I accept your sacrifice, mercy, grace, love and guidance. Jesus I know I complain a lot, but I know you know what I'm going through because on that cross you felt my pain, what I'm feeling now. And somehow, although I can't see it now, I know you already have it all worked out. Lord Jesus forgive me for any sin I might have, not going to church like I should. You know all things Lord Jesus my God. I know that you do. You know how sick I can get and how hard it is for me to sit a long time on the pew. You know that I am torn between two totally opposite religions. My parents religion both had a different one. And I struggled all my life to know what was right and wrong. My sole goal and purpose in this life is to serve you. If I'm not doing that than please help me to. Lord, I know that you have me in the palm of your hand. I know that no bad you put on me, but when sin entered in man, consequences we must face now in our lives. I accept this and understand that we live and die. My life I always have turned to you and now, I do the same. That little girl who laid in her bed at night to go to sleep. Looking up at the stars in the night sky through her window top she prayed a very special prayer and promised you something if you would grant her one thing. You did and so she tried to live up to her word. For I was that little girl and I promised you I would be good. So all my life though times I failed I have tried to be good. And now I want to make it my life's mission to live up to those words. For I pray them again tonight though now I have no window top to look at the stars in the night sky. I pray a similar prayer the promise from me is to be good, I will do the best I can, if you will help me and show me the path you want me on and you know what all else I need. For my life is very filled with turmoil and confusion. So in your hands I give it to you a promise from a little girl let me live once again through the night and the rest of my prayer you know and if you help me again I will be good. You know that I am not like most my heart is in your hands. I think solely on you both day and night. And I know that you can set these things right. A goodness you put on me then as a child in that prayer. This I pray you can do again renew my spirit with thy goodness, and make my heart and soul right with thee. Let your goodness once again flow from within me. I will be good my Lord a child's prayer I prayed, now as an adult I pray the same prayer with some different needs. But Lord you know my heart and my promise I will keep. Lead me to a path that is stronger than I. Lead me to your heart and soul and let your light so shine within mine. 


This I pray in Jesus Name AMEN.