Released from the shackles that bounded me.
Freed from the prison that held me.
Set free from the tortures that tortured me.
I'm in my haven now, I'm away from those fears and doubts.
The ones that tried to tear me down are long gone from me now.
I'm brought to a land of peace, away from the snares of their infirmities.
Remembering the demons that tortured me.
I'll never forget the nights of un rest and no peace.
Or the torture I felt in my soul as I was at an all time low laying with the demons in the ditches.
I grew up in a snake pit fighting for my life.
I grew up in a snake pit fighting for every breath inside.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Emotions
Hello pain, pain that I thought I put aside.
Pain that haunted my youth and sorrow that brought tears to my eyes.
Youth is a traumatic time in a person's life.
Emotions run wild and right and wrong are tested through each person's life.
It makes it worse if you have say per chance a rare genetic blood disease.
A disease that brings out the emotions in you and can bring you to your knees.
A disease that shapes your whole childhood, youth, young adult life too.
A disease that frightens the very whits out of you.
But no one knows this pain you feel. This time in your life.
Your suppose to be normal and yet you feel so much more inside.
Emotions are not just your average teenage high.
They are epic on a mountain top ready to sprout wings and fly.
They make you happy, sad, angry too. But when you hurt it cuts down to the very core of you.
No one stops to think that one dirty look can send you into a tail spin.
They don't know the demons you fight each day just to live.
Emotions of this nature are quite dangerous. That's why God is a constant strength to those who let him.
People don't understand they can tear apart a young life.
Fear, love, hate, all multiplied by ten thousand and that's what a person like this feels.
It takes an army of angels a God of mercy to intervene.
Because you put your faith in God and so feelings you learn to deal with. And over time you learn how to rationalize, cope, and deal. You learn that even though the world feels like it's coming to an end, does not mean that it really is all going to end. And even though it hurts so bad when love leaves you. You learn to move on and be glad alone or with someone new. For those who choose solitary its a hard life to cope with. But who else but God could even understand what your faced with?
Emotions so strong like a tidal wave, a current, a meteoroid shower inside.
Ripping you to shreds every time you feel, think, or cry.
So trust in God and don't let the emotions overwhelm you.
For God is the only one who could ever understand and sort through all the emotions in you.
Pain that haunted my youth and sorrow that brought tears to my eyes.
Youth is a traumatic time in a person's life.
Emotions run wild and right and wrong are tested through each person's life.
It makes it worse if you have say per chance a rare genetic blood disease.
A disease that brings out the emotions in you and can bring you to your knees.
A disease that shapes your whole childhood, youth, young adult life too.
A disease that frightens the very whits out of you.
But no one knows this pain you feel. This time in your life.
Your suppose to be normal and yet you feel so much more inside.
Emotions are not just your average teenage high.
They are epic on a mountain top ready to sprout wings and fly.
They make you happy, sad, angry too. But when you hurt it cuts down to the very core of you.
No one stops to think that one dirty look can send you into a tail spin.
They don't know the demons you fight each day just to live.
Emotions of this nature are quite dangerous. That's why God is a constant strength to those who let him.
People don't understand they can tear apart a young life.
Fear, love, hate, all multiplied by ten thousand and that's what a person like this feels.
It takes an army of angels a God of mercy to intervene.
Because you put your faith in God and so feelings you learn to deal with. And over time you learn how to rationalize, cope, and deal. You learn that even though the world feels like it's coming to an end, does not mean that it really is all going to end. And even though it hurts so bad when love leaves you. You learn to move on and be glad alone or with someone new. For those who choose solitary its a hard life to cope with. But who else but God could even understand what your faced with?
Emotions so strong like a tidal wave, a current, a meteoroid shower inside.
Ripping you to shreds every time you feel, think, or cry.
So trust in God and don't let the emotions overwhelm you.
For God is the only one who could ever understand and sort through all the emotions in you.
The Invisible Pain Inside Me
Normalcy escapes me, haunted dreams stay with me, and now I don't want to leave the house.
Madness overcomes me, my brain explodes within me and I can feel the pressure rising.
Do you know what it's like to feel every blood cell flowing through your veins and in each cell it feels as if tiny pins or gouging knives are stabbing out your veins?
Could you understand what it's like to be in so much pain that it radiates throughout your body and into the veins, through all your insides, your very aware of the horrific pain?
Can you stand to cry yourself to sleep at night because the disease is getting to you?
But you put on a brave face, and turn to God for an escape, and pray that somehow you will get through.
God does work in mysterious ways as he is in constant control of your life.
Because you believed in him after he first died for you.
And so your life you gave to Christ, so he sees your pain. And from time to time when the time is right he steps in to heal your pain and sometimes he does such amazing miraculous things like bringing you back from the dead one night when you died in your sleep.
And it is through these times I learn to trust in God more than ever before.
So even though I have to endure the little pain I feel, and I say that in reverence to Christ because he died for us and so much pain was put on him on the cross.
So my pain is small compared to his and what he took on for us.
And so if Christ can do that for us and give his life for ours. Then rise from the grave on the third day then this blood disease I can bare and live my life for him.
Madness overcomes me, my brain explodes within me and I can feel the pressure rising.
Do you know what it's like to feel every blood cell flowing through your veins and in each cell it feels as if tiny pins or gouging knives are stabbing out your veins?
Could you understand what it's like to be in so much pain that it radiates throughout your body and into the veins, through all your insides, your very aware of the horrific pain?
Can you stand to cry yourself to sleep at night because the disease is getting to you?
But you put on a brave face, and turn to God for an escape, and pray that somehow you will get through.
God does work in mysterious ways as he is in constant control of your life.
Because you believed in him after he first died for you.
And so your life you gave to Christ, so he sees your pain. And from time to time when the time is right he steps in to heal your pain and sometimes he does such amazing miraculous things like bringing you back from the dead one night when you died in your sleep.
And it is through these times I learn to trust in God more than ever before.
So even though I have to endure the little pain I feel, and I say that in reverence to Christ because he died for us and so much pain was put on him on the cross.
So my pain is small compared to his and what he took on for us.
And so if Christ can do that for us and give his life for ours. Then rise from the grave on the third day then this blood disease I can bare and live my life for him.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Mad World
It's a mad mad world out there someone once said. And I can see what they meant. People in this world will try to tear you to shreds even your own family. So guard your heart, not putting up a wall that no one can get into, but just guard it. Keep an eye out for those who would want to accuse you or missue you so that you can protect your heart. Because in the end you can become disheartened. Don't let that happen. Have faith in God, keep your eye on the prize and let no one bring you down. Instead give it to God and do your best to witness to them. And keep your own self above reproach.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Child Doll
My toys that I once played with as a child are gone.
My youth is decades ago, but I'm still reminded of the time that has gone by.
Life catches up to you and nightmares come to shore.
Past deeds that were done to you will haunt you forevermore.
The things that comforted you then are now long gone.
And time is an evil silence of a life that once was lived by a girl like you.
A girl that lived your life and now she is gone.
Turned into a woman how the time has flown.
I will never cease to live youthfully.
For inside my heart beats a melody.
A melody of a child, laughing, skipping, playing still.
But around my eyes are times line that have flown and now I'm older still yet wondering where has the time gone?
My youth is decades ago, but I'm still reminded of the time that has gone by.
Life catches up to you and nightmares come to shore.
Past deeds that were done to you will haunt you forevermore.
The things that comforted you then are now long gone.
And time is an evil silence of a life that once was lived by a girl like you.
A girl that lived your life and now she is gone.
Turned into a woman how the time has flown.
I will never cease to live youthfully.
For inside my heart beats a melody.
A melody of a child, laughing, skipping, playing still.
But around my eyes are times line that have flown and now I'm older still yet wondering where has the time gone?
Thursday, January 31, 2013
A Painful Secret
A painful secret locked away from the world's glaring eyes
A painful life gone astray from the wondering lights
A painful day and a painful night over and over makes a painful life
A painful disease that haunts the mind, that cripples the muscles after a painful time.
Others mock and glare upon the one who suffers from this painful ride
They try to tell what you should and shouldn't do
They say you are well when sickness is abounded in you
They hustle and hustle because they can't understand a painful mind.
I run and run far as I can, in my mind I'm in a new found land
Away from greed and pain and fear, away from the decaying substance that lies here
Far I run away further still to a place where no pain lives
A place that you don't cry, you don't feel pain, and you don't die.
Since we know Heaven is this place and I know I can't go there today
I retreat to another place like Rainbow Land where me and Rainbow Brite can play
Until the day the Lord calls me home, my imagination is what gets me through
From the crowds onlooking stares to a mob of ignorance saying what's this you have in you, what's this disease, it can't be true.
Just let me lie in my place, let me daydream the day away
And let me keep the secrets still of the horrible things I feel
Yes I keep most of it to myself, if I told them the truth there would be no end
No end in sight from a horrible disease one of which tears at me.
A painful life gone astray from the wondering lights
A painful day and a painful night over and over makes a painful life
A painful disease that haunts the mind, that cripples the muscles after a painful time.
Others mock and glare upon the one who suffers from this painful ride
They try to tell what you should and shouldn't do
They say you are well when sickness is abounded in you
They hustle and hustle because they can't understand a painful mind.
I run and run far as I can, in my mind I'm in a new found land
Away from greed and pain and fear, away from the decaying substance that lies here
Far I run away further still to a place where no pain lives
A place that you don't cry, you don't feel pain, and you don't die.
Since we know Heaven is this place and I know I can't go there today
I retreat to another place like Rainbow Land where me and Rainbow Brite can play
Until the day the Lord calls me home, my imagination is what gets me through
From the crowds onlooking stares to a mob of ignorance saying what's this you have in you, what's this disease, it can't be true.
Just let me lie in my place, let me daydream the day away
And let me keep the secrets still of the horrible things I feel
Yes I keep most of it to myself, if I told them the truth there would be no end
No end in sight from a horrible disease one of which tears at me.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Life Choices
Thinking about your life and the choices you have made may either make you happy or sad. For me as with most people I imagine, it is a combination of both. There are choices I've made that were not the right ones. But then there are choices that were. I know we all struggle to make the best choices possible. This is why we all need God. To make the wisest choices we should have an example to follow by. And that example is God.
I have tried to follow God as best as I could all my life. I would like to think that it was my doing, as human we often want to praise ourselves, but to be honest it wasn't my doing at all. Truth be told if certain things had not occurred in my life I probably wouldn't even know God. Because my natural tendency as a human, and even more as my hot tempered family would prove fighting and cursing comes naturally to us. So you may think wow it must be hard for her to not want to fight or to get along with people. Well the answer to that is no. Because when I was young I turned to God and asked him to help me not to be like that. So I don't find it too hard, what I find hard and what I continually have to work on is when I do get mad curse words just want to come out. That is what I struggle with. But to make my point here, a lot of bad things happened to me early in life. Things I could not deal with or cope with. It took these things for me to find my relationship with God. Some people may blame God, but I don't I thank him. Yes thank him, because even though some things may scar me for life, or some wounds may cut deep, or a certain rare genetic blood disease may not be curable by human hands, all these things took God for me to make it through. So I know God did not cause the bad things to happen to me, because I am well aware that when sin entered the world so did its consequences such as sickness, pain, and death. God was not responsible for man to sin, nor does he cause evil, no people get it mixed up, when God turns evil into good, he did not cause that evil, but he is God and he can work with anything even turning that evil which was caused by sin or satan into good. So even though I know someday I may die, someday I may get so sick I can't even think for myself anymore, I know that because in these trials I choose to come to God instead of ignore him or blame him. I choose to follow God, to accept him into my heart and life, that someday because I did I will make Heaven.
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