I Never Knew

I had an revelation today. I kept thinking something big was going to happen this year to me. Some milestone, and somehow I thought that it might have to do with what God wants me to do in his kingdom. Today sitting in chemo with my dad I realized something, it was all about my dad. I just didn't know that he had cancer. I knew something was coming, I could feel it, could sense it, could see it. But I could never tell that it was cancer. I thought I would finally do something great, and well maybe I will. But now I know that the spiritual world works a little different than how I feel. I may feel like something is coming and I know it's big, because I tend to have that spiritual gift. I see things, I know things, I don't see the future, only God can. But I sense things, like my first sense isn't taste or touch, it's a spiritual sense, a sense of sifting out the weighs of this world. And now today I just realized I never knew what I was feeling, just that my extra sense was tingling and lighting up on fire. I didn't know it was cancer, but now I do and now I can pray that God would let my dad be OK. 

Lost in Me

Looking for answers where they can't be found. Trying to find my way back. The people I saw but never knew, the place I was to where I'm at. How can I remember you but never seen? Who are you haunting my dreams? What's wrong with me, maybe I'm just insane. Maybe I just lost it yet once again. Wandering in wonderland only this isn't wonderland it's hell and everything I do and say is wrong and then I burn for all I done or didn't do. Because my life is full of chaos, mystery, and no clues. Where am I and where are you? Where do I go with no clues, I'm just lost in a maze that's me. I'm just lost in my own dreams. Lost in a land that I can not see. Lost is a dream that's more of a nightmare instead of a dream. I see the light, but I can not tell is a train or another hell? Where do I go and where do I be a better version of me?

My Little Pony Rocks!

OK So I know I'm a grown woman, but who cares! I love cartoons and My Little Pony rocks! I mean the show is just so adorable! If I'm upset or sad and I watch My Little Pony and feel better in no time. I mean really take a look at some of the pictures aren't they super adorable!!!

Weighted Heavily

The weight of the world weighed heavily on her; she could feel the pain of everyone around her it seemed. Yet no one understood her, not even herself. For it felt as if it was her job to somehow push back all the darkness she felt around her. But how was she supposed to do this? How was she supposed to fight off evil? Yes, with Christ of course, but it wasn’t just everyday evil she felt. She felt something greater and it scared her for she knew not what to do with it. Like some kind of ancient power was awakening in her. Oh God what should she do with this? Rest now, everything looks brighter in the morning. That was the answer she felt God gave her in that moment. So she rested and everything was brighter the next morning. So the next night she could think a little bit clearer than the night before. What does this mean, the darkness I feel she thought to herself? How am I meant to expel such an impounding amount of darkness that I feel all around me? I breathe and I feel darkness in the air. I listen and I hear voices of evil. No matter how far I run or how far I hide I feel it looming around me everywhere. Maybe I am different from everyone else, maybe there’s some sort of special task that God has equipped me with doing, maybe somehow on this earth I am meant to fight the forces of evil. She thought all these things to herself. Now if this were so she would need to figure out just how God intended for her to do this. But the devil couldn’t hide anymore. Now she had to fight off the forces of darkness, and she knew that the light of God inside of her would show her the way. For even though she felt the darkness in the world, there was no darkness in her, inside was a bright light sent from God shinning forth to spread light and love throughout this land. Now set forth the time the tides will rise and ancient evil will come to die, for now the time of the world comes to an end as the prince of light the son of God descends. I am here to worn you all of Christ’s coming again, I don’t know the day or the hour or the year, but soon he will be here again. Be prepared for the darkness will grow more and more just before the Lord’s return. The devil will stop at nothing to get his foot in the door, but God will be arriving soon so don’t listen to those who have gone astray, all ye who are weary return to God today and find salvation in the place of weariness. For the tides will roll in soon and no one left without salvation will be safe. You all need to be saved today!

Protect Us Lord

Protect us Lord from the trials that bind.
Protect us from the demons that find.
Protect us from the evil ones snares.
Protect us from his evil glares. 

My Incurable Flaw

So we all have flaws. I have them too. But one stands out amid the rest. That is my incurable flaw! I like to see the good everywhere even when there isn't any. So say your watching a movie and there's a villain, I'm hoping the villain turns good before the movie is over. The name Maleficent I find to be beautiful, push aside the evil it's associated with and it's a very pretty name. From Barbie Life in the Dream house I want Raquel to be happy because I think she's just misunderstand. (Yes, I watch it, I know I'm a grown woman, but who doesn't like cute cartoons?) I am always trying to find the good around me. I don't trust anyone, because of horrible things that's happened to me, but don't misunderstand, I still seek the good. I have the inability to stop looking for good around me even when I'm in a pit of evil! It's like no matter what I always see the bright side of things. And I have no idea how that is. Because I've been hardened, and then I've been set free, I've gotten mad and all sort of profanity comes out of my mouth, but then I feel guilty and repent. As long as no one takes God's name in vain, I don't care what curse words they say to me. I don't like cigarettes, but I don't mind if people smoke around me, People with tattoo's all over their body reminds me of some of my family members, things that look dark and bad to the church beliefs look like a possibly for good to come out of it to me. Maybe it was the way I was raised, some insane family members I have, some out of this world stuff I went through, my bizarre emotional states, I don't know, but even though I trust no one except God, I always see the good. That's my incurable flaw.

Let My People Go!!!

Let My People Go

Listen up oh ends of the earth, all you far and wide; even though my skin isn’t the same color as theirs, and even though I live in another country, they are my people, my lineage goes back to their history. Even though you cannot tell by looking at me, I am too an Israelite indeed. Maybe I’ve gotten a bit of English too, or even American Indian, but the Israel blood is still there too. If you cut me I would bleed, does my blood line not count? Even though it’s so long ago, does my blood not flow from the same veins as theirs? And if this be so why do you seek to harm my people?

I cannot understand this world it is no good. People trying to harm each other based on geography or the color of their skin. Listen up and listen well, I claim them as my own, even though were centuries away, I’m still Jewish too, even though were centuries away I’m still English too, and even though were centuries away I’m still American Indian too. So let my people go or else there will be hell and high water to pay if you do not let my people go.

Let them go, hold them captive no more. It’s time to set them free. Stop making them live in fear and let them alone. For they are God’s people too are we not all his own? But if you harm Israel the Lord will not tolerate, he shall come down like lightening and eat up your estate. I suggest you let my people go before it’s too late, or else the wrath of the Lord will bestow upon you and you will not be able to escape. 

LET MY PEOPLE GO!