The old comes back and the safe is unsafe!

Just when I thought it was over, just when I thought it was gone.
I wake up and find that my sickness has not yet run the test of time.
I find myself wallowing in a bed of despair. My sweat soaks through my bed, my body, my hair.
My blood is not normal neither is my life. I strive to work for God, and somehow I lagged behind. I know I've got to do better, I know that I can.
I know I still have it in me, cause I still hear the Angel's hymns. I know I still have it in me cause I still knew when the worst would be done.

This morning I found myself throwing up, sweat rolling off of me, my blood is somehow against me. This morning I found that old things die hard and that the sickness may never be done, but by the help of my God Jesus I am and I can overcome! AMEN!

God knows and is Waiting.

I know I grunt, moan, kick, and fight. But I really just want a normal life. I try to hide the way I feel, the pain I'm in, the tears I shed. I try to hide myself from the world. But I can't hide from everyone. God knows my heart and my hurts and pains, He knows my feelings, and every single ache and mistake I've made. He knows I'm tired and scared, and his hand is reached out to help me cope with all this. I know God understands me, he is the one who created me. I know he heals my hurt and pain, cause when I'm at my lowest he always brings me to higher ground. I know that I wouldn't be here today without the help of God and his mercy and grace. I know that God is watching me and has a pair of angels out to guide me. I know that God is here today, I feel his presence, mercy, and grace. I know that God loves me he hung on a tree and shed his blood for you and me. I know that God could do the same for you, if you let him in. Open up the flood gates of your heart, let go of your pain, forget about your past mistakes, and show God your ready for a change. God is ready to take you in. Will you open up for him?

Painful Accommodations

Wiffled by pain inside myself. Stuck by pricks of undefiend health.
Traveling in labor of no apparent kind, sharp knives stick, point, and grind at my insides.
Wallowing in ballows of pain, lights going out on a clear day. Spots appear and my eye sight fades as I grope for the bed and some relief of any kind.
Pain pills won't do it, heating pads can't help, I'm grumbled into a gigantic painful mess.
God, I cry in my desperation, please save me from my hour of these painful accommodations.
So I wait on the Lord, as He is my strength and slowing I regain sight and speech. My mind clears of painful thoughts, my body frees of painful pricks.
I know the Lord has been merciful to me once again. I know the Lord has saved me from myself, my pain, my mess. Thank you Jesus!

Some of my Makeup Favs...

~Lotions, Victoria Secret and Bath and Body Works are my favorite, others I love too!!

~Cleansers, Some brands I like, I'm constantly changing my cleasners, LOL! Bliss, Murad, Peter Thomas Roth, MD Skincare, Cosmedience, Estee Lauder, Lancome, Sephora, Philosophy etc.

~Moisturizer, same thing with the moisturizers as with the cleansers, same brands, always needing more moisturizer!

~Mascara, Fav is Benefit BadGal Plum, but Love all different kinds, I like water proff ones well and also plumping or thickening ones, mostly color in black, except benefit, lol!!

~Eye Makeup Remover, different brands, right now I'm using L'oreal.

~Concealer, different brands, I use em all, light preferred, maybe medium, mostly light. Some I'm using now are Estee Lauder, Bed Head fix it stick, and MAC.

~Shampoo and Conditioner, Philosophy 3 in 1's love these!!! Tigi Bed Head Dumb Blond or Catwalk Oatmeal and Honey, love them. I also am a sucker for Herbal Essences, they just always smell soooo good!!!

~Masks, I use all different kinds and am always in need of backups!!!

~Hair treatments/styling products, any. My fav brands are Bed Head, Pantenee, Ojon, etc.

~Bath bombs or soaps, these are such fun and so cute!! Usually smell good too!

Now if your wondering how in the world does this girl go through so much stuff, LOL, the answer is I don't, I share with my mom! So when she runs out of stuff she comes to me as in her words "It looks like I have a department store in my bathroom" LOL!!! So I'm constanly looking for backups, or sometimes I even slip and run out before I even know about it, Yikes!!!

About Me and My Disease...

I have a Rare Genetic Blood Disease! It's called Porphyria, there are different types of Porphyria. I have CoProPorphyria. You can't catch it, unless your my child then you've got a 50% chance of getting it. I've been very sick my entire life. I used to be a lot sicker than what I am now, but by the Grace Of God I am alive and have made it this far. It's a long story about my sickness, so I won't bore you with details. But I'm only 26 and I've had this my entire life! I'm trying to cope with "growing" up and not being able to do normal things as other people my age. I don't have the energy I should to do the things I need. But with the help of God I make it through each day. At one point the disease was about to take my life, but God being merciful towards me saved me from death. Anyways, I am sick, and most of the time I'm in denial and don't like to admit it, but I am. I don't know what all there doing for cures, but I do know it is tough to find a cure or treatment for a blood disease. Because it's our blood, it's not like it's a virus you can kill, we need our blood to live and unless they can completely regenetize the blood, I'm not sure what can be done in way of a cure. There are treatments, but it for when it's beyond bad. I guess cause the treatment could be worse than the problems we have. Anyways, so aside from the fact I live with a smoker, (which doesn't help my porphyria out) and that I have a rare blood disease, the only other thing to know about me is I'd like to become a makeup artist and finish beauty school. I started, but all the chemicals (blood disease affected) made me sick and I had to take a break. If it's totally impossible for me to be around all the chemicals all day, I am going to get my journalism degree as I love to write and have all my life. Ok enough about me, just thank God that He still heals people today, I'm living proof of that, I have faith beyond reason, and I know that someday all these diseases everyone can get will all be ok.

Ramble on Rachel!!!

Don't you all just love my ramblings!!! Well here's some more delights of mine for your ears only!!

~A empty makeup bag is a sad sight to behold!

~Get up, look at makeup, eat, look at perfumes, brush teeth, look at clothes and shoes, fix hair, look at makeup, perfumes, clothes and shoes, look at makeup perfume, clothes and shoes, look at makeup, perfume ,clothes, and shoes, oh I could do this all day long!

~It's better to pray and humble yourself when your makeup clouds your mind.

~99 bottles of OPI on the wall, 99 bottles of OPI, take one down pass it around it was OPI and Apple pie, 98 bottles of OPI on the wall, 98 bottles of OPI, take one down pass it around it was Siberian Nights, 97 bottles of OPI on the wall, 97 bottles of OPI take one down pass it around it was Coney Island Cotten Candy, 96 bottles of OPI on the wall, 96 bottles of OPI, take one down pass it around it was Mother Road Rose, 95 bottles of OPI on the wall, 95 bottles of OPI, take one down pass it around it was Buy Buy Tokyo, 94 bottles of OPI on the wall, 94 bottles of OPI, take one day pass it around it was Catherine the Grape, 93 bottles of OPI on the wall, 93 bottles of OPI, take one down pass it around, it was Can't Help Falling In Love, 92 bottles of OPI on the wall, 92 bottles of OPI, take one down pass it around it was Nomad's Dream, 91 bottles of OPI on the wall, 91 bottles of OPI, take one down pass it around it was Fit For A Queensland, 90 bottles of OPI on the wall, 90 bottles of OPI, take one down pass it around it was Suzi Loves Sydney, I could go on forever, I could go on forever, we've established that I love OPI and I have too much imagintion. Oh once more, 99 bottles of OPI........

Best Makeup Brands Ever!!!

The best possible makeup brands ever are: (In no particular order)

~Benefit Cosmetics
~Too Faced
~Chanel
~MAC
~Urban Decay
~Bliss
~Philosophy
~Peter Thomas Roth
~Murad
~Estee Lauder
~Dior
~Smashbox
~Calvin Klein
~DHC
~Laura Mercier
~Sephora
~Nars
~Stila
~Dr. Brandt
~Colorscience
~Hard Candy
~OPI
~TIGI-Bed Head
~Lancome
~Cosmedicine