The Gentleman

The Gentleman

Pointed toward the rising sun life’s race is in a battle run.

Pressing on toward glory’s shore the race would be the most difficult one.

Running toward the prize of life fighting off demons in the night.

Feeling the effect of an unknown factor, the curse of a family a litigated disaster.

Curse the blasted blood disease that runs through the veins of this family.

The blood disease that brings such pain and makes life race run in vain.

But all hope is not lost for a hero comes to claim the lost.

Strong, dashing, gentleman who loves the world despite the evil in them.

A precious lamb lead to the slaughter to take my place on life’s altar.

I am set free by the blood of this man.

I can be made whole because he bleed then.

Though the road I walk alone, here comes the lamb to take my hand.

Together we strive onward still, God’s love is spectacular.

It gives me hope toward a better life. It saves my soul and now my life.

The time the angel of death came to me the blood of God set me free.

He said no it’s not your time; you have work to do too much work left for you.

I will not let you die. I died instead to claim back your soul and your life.

Live on and you will see that the blood of God has rescued me.

I didn’t understand my disease crippled me.

But now I see that God not only died to save my soul, he died to make me whole.

And now there’s a hope of a bright tomorrow because one God came to save his creation from their sorrows.

So just remember in your worst pain God has already felt that and so much more just to set free the souls of man and redeem them again.

To save them from a lifetime of pain and sorrow and save their souls from a fate of hells painful sorrow and to set us free and redeem us in his holy name.

Look up your eyes and see this gentleman a hero that some has forgotten about.

Look now here he comes the heroic Lord who left his throne of splendor to come down and save us sinful man.

Jesus Returning

So in the bible right before Jesus is crucified (and rises from the dead) in the book of Luke he talks of the end of times. I was just reading this and he was talking about how the earth will change, like the seas, etc. And what stood out in my mind is just earlier I had bought a national geographic and the picture on the cover is of seas and the story under that is sea levels rising. So if the sea levels are rising throughout the world this has to be a sign. Not to mention all the violence that has been going on. It is true Jesus second coming is near, no one knows when, because only God knows the bible says, but this goes to show us that we all need to be ready at any moment for the returning of Christ so we can all go to Heaven to meet our Saviour. 

Only The Lord

Living a life filled with purple while others don't understand.
I speak and I speak but to deaf ears does my words fall for they cannot understand.
I might as well be talking to a brick wall for it goes in one ear and out the other.
No wonder I feel like screaming I can't get any competent person to understand.
That this disease I have is driving me to my whit's end.
But I have one source of hope, one well of eternal comfort.
One who understands my pain and frustration.
For on the cross He bore my sin, sickness, shame, and pain.
Yes, it's Jesus Christ the Lord above who gets me through these trying days.
I must confess that if it weren't for the Lord I don't know where I'd be today for He keeps me sane in the midst of these prickly thorns and snares I wade throughout the day.

Ode To A Smurf

Ode To A Smurf "as poet smurf would say"

Ode to a smurf who spends their day smurfing around through the forest yon 
Living in a tiny village somewhere throughout this world
Ode to a smurf in their smurfy blue forms.

Ode to a smurf whose must escape Gargamel's clutches
And let us not forget Azrael too. 
This nasty twosome always trying to smurf nap those cute little blues.

Ode to a smurf and a smurfy life in a mushroom all their own
From Smurfette, to Papa, to Hefty, Handy, Poet, Wild, and Baby too
But lets not forget those cute little smurflings that smurfs along too.

Ode to a smurf in a smurfy world all their own
Living and singing melodies from dawn till dusk
Helping one another like the rest of the world should.

Oh ode to a smurf my favorite little blue creatures
Three apples high unless their smurflings then only two
Ode to these little smurfs who smurfs a smurfy life throughout their whole smurfy world.

Ode to a smurf and as a smurf may say
Smurf this, smurf that, smurf, smurf, all the day
Smurfilicous, smurferrific, smurftacular even, lets smurf and be smurfy for all our smurfy days.

Things That Calm Me Down

I know these are going to sound silly, but when I'm upset or just sad or even depressed from the doctors news here's what calms me down.

1) Praying
2) Reading the Bible
3) Watching certain TV shows, here's where it gets silly... 

TV Shows That Calms 

1) Gidget (with Sally Field)
2) Zoey 101
3) Anything Tinker Bell (lol, especially the Secret of the Wings)
4) My Favorite Martian ( Yes I have a thing for old TV shows)
5) Cartoons, try to hang onto your seat,,,,, My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, Smurfs, Snorks, Gummi Bears, Duck Tales, Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers, Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse.... Yes I know, but who cares, there fun, silly, and brings me peace....

Moving on:

4) Playing games, like nintendo games, pogo games, games on ipod, just playing games.

5) Looking at pictures of places that gives me hope, like pretty waterfalls, places I want to visit, paintings of imaginary creatures like fairies, lol. 

6) Listening to certain music, now if I really down sometimes listening to Johnny Cash will make me feel better, yes go figure but it does. Oh and pretty much anytime The Beach Boys will always cheer me up!! If every body had an ocean across the USA everybody be surfin like California.  And of course Christian music always makes me feel better.

7) Last, but most certainly not least reading my grandfather's sermons, looking at his picture, and imagining a world that's better because of him.  

Porphyria And The Unknown

So living with a rare genetic blood disease like Porphyria leaves you with a lot of the unknown, especially when the disease gets really bad and the doctors keep telling you bad news. Like recently the doctors told me I have a non alcoholic fatty liver, now a new test shows a enlarged spleen and some cysts around my heart. I can't help but think about my grandfather and his horrific death. Even though it was in the seventies before I was born, it's scary, because he suffered so. I trust in God and I believe that God will not take me before my time, before he's ready for me to go home. It's just fear and stress, and health issues, I can't begin to explain how it makes you feel. Especially if you have a grandfather who died in this horrific way and you have some similarities. I learned long ago all I can do is trust in God. I'm just tried, I'm tried of hurting, I'm tried of fighting to live each and every day. I just want to be well. I'm not giving up, I'm a fighter don't get me wrong. It just becomes a burden, like Apostle Paul said in the bible he had a thorn in the flesh, this is my thorn in the flesh, and it is a burden. But we learn that no burden is too big for God to handle. And Jesus Christ died for us, for our souls to save, our bodies to heal, he died for it all and with that we as believers know that by grace we are saved. By faith we have believed, and faith can move a mountain. So I have faith that God will see me through again. If there's one thing I could tell anyone who's hurting it's this, Faith makes all the difference!

Jewish Ancestry

So we all go back to someone of Jewish descent because Adam and Eve were the first two people on this earth and they were Jewish. So somewhere in our past we all come from Jewish ancestry. My grandmother is into genealogy and has researched one side of her family back to bible days and although she is not able to prove it she thinks someone pretty interesting is related to us. I'm not going to say who it is right now because I'm waiting for my grandmother to send me what she has so I can do my own digging and maybe find out for sure. But also on my dad's side I think there is more Jewish in me than I first thought. I have to do some research into that as well, but some of the American Indians were originally Jewish. And my dad has a lot of Indian in him. And some of the people that he's related to makes me wonder if they were of Jewish descent. I don't know why but the last few months I have become more obsessed with the Jewish religion, way of life, and who I am related to that was Jewish. 

I don't know what it is but finding out who I am related to has become important to me. And since the Jews are God's chosen people it is even more important to me to find out if they are Jewish. Maybe I've lost it, I don't know. All I know is something inside me is craving to find out, needing to know, needing answers to my past and why I am the way that I am. If heritage has something to do with shaping you, I want to know if it's true and how much Jewish I have in me.  That would be something far beyond words could say, how proud it would be to be Jewish. 

Jewish and Christian Prayers

Most people may wonder why I'm so interested in Judaism when I'm a Christian. It's very simple really as a Christian I believe Christianity was founded on Judaism  I believe that Christ came to fulfill the law and the prophecies that the prophets had prophesied about. Jesus Christ is a Christians Savior but what most people may forget is He was a Jew. Because the Jews are God's chosen people. So naturally I am wondering what Judaism teaches and what they believe and what things they hold sacred. So, I came up with two prayers one is for Christians and the other for Jews, since Jews don't believe in Jesus, unless they are messianic Jews. 

Christian Prayer:

Jesus thank you for dying for us to wash away our sins when we come to you and ask forgiveness. Thank you for being God and saving our souls and healing our bodies. Lord please set your holy angels around us and keep us safe from harm and let no evil of flesh or of spirit come against us. Let us live in your spirit and keep your commandments in Jesus name I pray amen.

Jewish Prayer:

God above please hear our cry. Watch over us, lead and guide us throughout our lives. Help us to always be safe from harm and set your holy angeles around us at night. Keep us safe from any harm of flesh or of spirit and let goodness live in us always. Keep those who would wish us harm away from us and let your holy protection be upon us. Lead us throughout our lives into your truth. And let Israel prosper for all time. And may the God of Israel reign forevermore and throughout all time. Let the Jewish people prosper, let God reign, and may the God of Israel be upon us tonight. In the name of the God of Israel amen. 

The Night I Died And Lived To Tell About It

That night was many years ago. I was still in high school. I've only talked about it a few times because many times I get the are you out of your mind look. So I quit talking about it. It is now that I realize that when God preforms a miracle it is not my place to hide it but to share it. So whether you believe or not this is my story of the night I died and lived to tell about it.

I have been sick all my life it wasn't until right after high school the doctors figured out what I had. I spent many years in a lot of pain without any answers and no one knew except my parents and God. I didn't tell people about my sickness back then because what would I say? Hi, I'm constantly in extreme pain my stomach feels like a thousand knives are craving out my insides, my periods are not normal, they are very painful and even hospitalizing. I frequently get paranoid and so on. No, I couldn't say any of that or any of the other many symptoms I have because I would look like a dope. But screw it, all bets are off, these are most certainly the last days before the Lord's return. So I must tell my story, right?

One night in high school I went to bed as usual. In a lot of pain and nothing to do about it. But what happened next is what changed my life forever. Probably not long after I fell asleep I died. How do I know this? Simple many wonders happened that night. One of which I saw my grandfather who died long before I was born. He was a minister and missionary. A great Christian leader in his day. And for reasons I don't fully understand I can't begin to tell you what we talked about, because I don't remember much of what was said. I know that I talked with him for what seemed like hours. There are certain parts of my experience that I am leaving out like the setting I was in and something he said to me because I don't want to go into detail about the setting and I don't know how to explain what he said to me. The next thing I knew he started to go up like flying upwards and he reached out his hand for me and I took it and we both were going up beyond clouds into the Heavens and just before these two huge doors. And the doors were made out of material I don't even know how to describe. The designs on them were so intricate and out of this world that nothing down here could compare to the massiveness there. And my grandfather stopped turned around and said "No, you have too much work left to do." And with that I woke up gasping for breath because I could not breathe, and I could feel this presence of death, and the worst thing of all I could smell my own rotting flesh and that is a smell unlike any other that you never forget for the rest of your life. To wake up after being so close to Heaven; gasping for breath and smelling your own rotting flesh is a feeling unlike any other. On one hand your glad to be alive, on the other your sad to see Heaven pass by. It's like a beautiful painting that is ripped into and you only have one part of it and the other part is gone. But God brought me back to life so He wants me to live to help in His kingdom and that is what I must live for. So this is my story about the night I died, talked with my grandfather who has been gone from this earth many years, almost made it to Heaven, and woke up gasping for breath and worst of all smelling my own rotting flesh. Believe me if you will, if not then thats all right, but know this God is real, Heaven does exist, and we all will go somewhere when we die. Where will you end up is the question? Just try to live your life for God and make sure to tell others about the amazing gift of grace that Jesus has done for us on the cross. 

I live because of God, and I live for God. Jesus is my strength, Jesus is my God, and I believe He is the God of Israel.  

So in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, God of Israel, King of the Jews is my life dedicated to. 

Lord I Love You

Oh Lord you know deep down I love you. I don’t agree with the worlds view on you. They don't believe that you came for us or that you died on the cross for our sins. I know theres a lot of things that I’m fighting through. But Lord please know that no matter what I love you. I love you because you first died for me. I love you because you are the oxygen I breathe you are my everything.

Whether it is satan or this rare genetic blood disease that is causing me this insanity and makes me fight for you Lord, all that matters to me is that at the end of the day I fight for you and you know how much I love you. Because of you I am alive and because of you I live my life. Because you are the oxygen I breathe you are my everything. 

I love you Lord because when the world turned their backs on me you were the one that held me. I love you because when this blood disease claimed my life in the middle of the night one high school night you brought me back to life. Even though it was a scary experience and I was for a brief moment free of pain and coming to see you in the clouds of glory. You sent my grandfather to me and told me that it wasn't time for me to leave. So I awoke gasping for breath and feeling the presence of death. But the worst part was smelling my own rotting flesh that is a smell I never will forget because there is none so horrible as it.

And I love you because you keep me alive and when I wake up I live my life because of you. But most importantly of all I love you for coming and dying on the cross. For taking on the world's sin, shame, sickness, and heartache, I love you. Because you care, I love you because you are my air. I love you because you are the oxygen I breathe you are my everything. I love you. 

Max Lucado No More Fear

Here is a link to a sermon by Max Lucado called No More Fear. I found it very ministering and calming. Myself I struggle with fear and anxiety and this sermon talks about fear and how God is in charge. 

http://vimeo.com/60290686

Dear God

Dear God,

 Dear God I know I'm wrong a lot in most things I do. And I know that I am not even worthy of you. I know I have no right to ask, but please hear my plea. I feel as if this life of mine is heading on the brink of insanity. This rare genetic blood disease I have is eating me alive. And God I know that I don't always do what I should, but I think about you day and night. I pray and read my bible too, and I know this is not enough. I know I can never repay your great mercy and love when you came Lord Jesus Christ to this earth of ours. And became man, but still God, to die on a cross for us. I know that some don't understand the agony you went through. With this rare genetic blood disease I have I can only imagine some of the things you must have went through. And that scares me because I know your pain was a lot worse than mine. For the worlds sin and shame you took on yourself that day. I understand the price you paid for my soul and others. I accept your sacrifice, mercy, grace, love and guidance. Jesus I know I complain a lot, but I know you know what I'm going through because on that cross you felt my pain, what I'm feeling now. And somehow, although I can't see it now, I know you already have it all worked out. Lord Jesus forgive me for any sin I might have, not going to church like I should. You know all things Lord Jesus my God. I know that you do. You know how sick I can get and how hard it is for me to sit a long time on the pew. You know that I am torn between two totally opposite religions. My parents religion both had a different one. And I struggled all my life to know what was right and wrong. My sole goal and purpose in this life is to serve you. If I'm not doing that than please help me to. Lord, I know that you have me in the palm of your hand. I know that no bad you put on me, but when sin entered in man, consequences we must face now in our lives. I accept this and understand that we live and die. My life I always have turned to you and now, I do the same. That little girl who laid in her bed at night to go to sleep. Looking up at the stars in the night sky through her window top she prayed a very special prayer and promised you something if you would grant her one thing. You did and so she tried to live up to her word. For I was that little girl and I promised you I would be good. So all my life though times I failed I have tried to be good. And now I want to make it my life's mission to live up to those words. For I pray them again tonight though now I have no window top to look at the stars in the night sky. I pray a similar prayer the promise from me is to be good, I will do the best I can, if you will help me and show me the path you want me on and you know what all else I need. For my life is very filled with turmoil and confusion. So in your hands I give it to you a promise from a little girl let me live once again through the night and the rest of my prayer you know and if you help me again I will be good. You know that I am not like most my heart is in your hands. I think solely on you both day and night. And I know that you can set these things right. A goodness you put on me then as a child in that prayer. This I pray you can do again renew my spirit with thy goodness, and make my heart and soul right with thee. Let your goodness once again flow from within me. I will be good my Lord a child's prayer I prayed, now as an adult I pray the same prayer with some different needs. But Lord you know my heart and my promise I will keep. Lead me to a path that is stronger than I. Lead me to your heart and soul and let your light so shine within mine. 


This I pray in Jesus Name AMEN.                                                                                   

Release Me

Released from the shackles that bounded me.
Freed from the prison that held me.
Set free from the tortures that tortured me.

I'm in my haven now, I'm away from those fears and doubts.
The ones that tried to tear me down are long gone from me now.
I'm brought to a land of peace, away from the snares of their infirmities.

Remembering the demons that tortured me.
I'll never forget the nights of un rest and no peace.
Or the torture I felt in my soul as I was at an all time low laying with the demons in the ditches.
I grew up in a snake pit fighting for my life.
I grew up in a snake pit fighting for every breath inside.

Emotions

Hello pain, pain that I thought I put aside. 
Pain that haunted my youth and sorrow that brought tears to my eyes.
Youth is a traumatic time in a person's life.
Emotions run wild and right and wrong are tested through each person's life.

It makes it worse if you have say per chance a rare genetic blood disease. 
A disease that brings out the emotions in you and can bring you to your knees.
A disease that shapes your whole childhood, youth, young adult life too. 
A disease that frightens the very whits out of you.

But no one knows this pain you feel. This time in your life.
Your suppose to be normal and yet you feel so much more inside.
Emotions are not just your average teenage high. 
They are epic on a mountain top ready to sprout wings and fly.

They make you happy, sad, angry too. But when you hurt it cuts down to the very core of you.
No one stops to think that one dirty look can send you into a tail spin.
They don't know the demons you fight each day just to live.
Emotions of this nature are quite dangerous. That's why God is a constant strength to those who let him.       

People don't understand they can tear apart a young life.
Fear, love, hate, all multiplied by ten thousand and that's what a person like this feels.
It takes an army of angels a God of mercy to intervene. 
Because you put your faith in God and so feelings you learn to deal with. And over time you learn how to rationalize, cope, and deal. You learn that even though the world feels like it's coming to an end, does not mean that it really is all going to end. And even though it hurts so bad when love leaves you. You learn to move on and be glad alone or with someone new. For those who choose solitary its a hard life to cope with. But who else but God could even understand what your faced with? 

Emotions so strong like a tidal wave, a current, a meteoroid shower inside.
Ripping you to shreds every time you feel, think, or cry. 
So trust in God and don't let the emotions overwhelm you. 
For God is the only one who could ever understand and sort through all the emotions in you.   

The Invisible Pain Inside Me

Normalcy escapes me, haunted dreams stay with me, and now I don't want to leave the house.
Madness overcomes me, my brain explodes within me and I can feel the pressure rising. 
Do you know what it's like to feel every blood cell flowing through your veins and in each cell it feels as if tiny pins or gouging knives are stabbing out your veins?
Could you understand what it's like to be in so much pain that it radiates throughout your body and into the veins, through all your insides, your very aware of the horrific pain?
Can you stand to cry yourself to sleep at night because the disease is getting to you?
But you put on a brave face, and turn to God for an escape, and pray that somehow you will get through.
God does work in mysterious ways as he is in constant control of your life. 
Because you believed in him after he first died for you.
And so your life you gave to Christ, so he sees your pain. And from time to time when the time is right he steps in to heal your pain and sometimes he does such amazing miraculous things like bringing you back from the dead one night when you died in your sleep. 
And it is through these times I learn to trust in God more than ever before.
So even though I have to endure the little pain I feel, and I say that in reverence to Christ because he died for us and so much pain was put on him on the cross.
So my pain is small compared to his and what he took on for us. 
And so if Christ can do that for us and give his life for ours. Then rise from the grave on the third day then this blood disease I can bare and live my life for him.