Stay Lost Awhile

Stay Lost Awhile

It’s hard trying to fit into this world today. Nothing I do seems to be right; I can’t seem to get my life together. I feel overwhelmed ninety percent of the time. Bogged down by fears and demons I hide, hide away in my room from the world. So that they won’t see this hideous monster I’m becoming. No, not inwardly, not as a human, but something much more dangerous a sickness. Yes, I’m sick, I said it, and it feels like this disease is turning me into some kind of horror show. The pain is unbearable, both physical and mental, and all I feel like doing is crying and being depressed. I want a rich full life filled with things that I can only imagine right now. It’s a struggle, a mental, physical, emotional, spiritual struggle between life, death, pain, suffering, contentment, hope, fear, and the un quenching desire for complete peace. Yes, that is what I want the most right now is utter complete un relinquishing peace!

Many times I just want to pull my hair out and run away screaming mad. Maybe completely lose my mind run down the street naked and jump in some body of water somewhere. Only I should learn how to swim first. Yes, my life isn’t the most fast paced, easy going, or sought after, but it’s mine. And I just want to make the most of it without losing myself along the way. Nothing seems to make me feel better these days, TV shows, music, games, the mundane stuff doesn’t help. But, the one thing that has always helped me I feel like I’m losing and that is God. I read my bible and pray, yet I feel like I’m lost somewhere in between, I feel like I’ve slipped into an alternate dimension and I’m just waiting to get back. Please someone let me out of here, please open the door! Don’t leave me locked inside this prison cell don’t leave me locked inside this body full of pain and misery tortured beyond end. Yet no matter what I will always believe that someday God will make a way to make this disease all better, yes I have faith, hope may be gone, but I have complete and utter faith in God Lord Jesus Christ who died on the cross and rose from the grave on the third day for our sins, and our pain and suffering. I have complete faith in you Jesus, faith you will get me out of this sick cocoon I’m wrapped up in and set me free into the world to fly like a beautiful butterfly. Please just open the door and let me out, I’ve slept too long, let me out of here! 

Someday there will be a cure, someday I won't have to stay lost awhile inside myself.