A Painful Secret

A painful secret locked away from the world's glaring eyes
A painful life gone astray from the wondering lights
A painful day and a painful night over and over makes a painful life
A painful disease that haunts the mind, that cripples the muscles after a painful time.

Others mock and glare upon the one who suffers from this painful ride
They try to tell what you should and shouldn't do
They say you are well when sickness is abounded in you
They hustle and hustle because they can't understand a painful mind. 

I run and run far as I can, in my mind I'm in a new found land
Away from greed and pain and fear, away from the decaying substance that lies here
Far I run away further still to a place where no pain lives
A place that you don't cry, you don't feel pain, and you don't die. 

Since we know Heaven is this place and I know I can't go there today
I retreat to another place like Rainbow Land where me and Rainbow Brite can play
Until the day the Lord calls me home, my imagination is what gets me through
From the crowds onlooking stares to a mob of ignorance saying what's this you have in you, what's this disease, it can't be true. 

Just let me lie in my place, let me daydream the day away
And let me keep the secrets still of the horrible things I feel
Yes I keep most of it to myself, if I told them the truth there would be no end
No end in sight from a horrible disease one of which tears at me.     

 

Life Choices

Thinking about your life and the choices you have made may either make you happy or sad. For me as with most people I imagine, it is a combination of both. There are choices I've made that were not the right ones. But then there are choices that were. I know we all struggle to make the best choices possible. This is why we all need God. To make the wisest choices we should have an example to follow by. And that example is God.

I have tried to follow God as best as I could all my life. I would like to think that it was my doing, as human we often want to praise ourselves, but to be honest it wasn't my doing at all. Truth be told if certain things had not occurred in my life I probably wouldn't even know God. Because my natural tendency as a human, and even more as my hot tempered family would prove fighting and cursing comes naturally to us. So you may think wow it must be hard for her to not want to fight or to get along with people. Well the answer to that is no. Because when I was young I turned to God and asked him to help me not to be like that. So I don't find it too hard, what I find hard and what I continually have to work on is when I do get mad curse words just want to come out. That is what I struggle with. But to make my point here, a lot of bad things happened to me early in life. Things I could not deal with or cope with. It took these things for me to find my relationship with God. Some people may blame God, but I don't I thank him. Yes thank him, because even though some things may scar me for life, or some wounds may cut deep, or a certain rare genetic blood disease may not be curable by human hands, all these things took God for me to make it through. So I know God did not cause the bad things to happen to me, because I am well aware that when sin entered the world so did its consequences such as sickness, pain, and death. God was not responsible for man to sin, nor does he cause evil, no people get it mixed up, when God turns evil into good, he did not cause that evil, but he is God and he can work with anything even turning that evil which was caused by sin or satan into good. So even though I know someday I may die, someday I may get so sick I can't even think for myself anymore, I know that because in these trials I choose to come to God instead of ignore him or blame him. I choose to follow God, to accept him into my heart and life, that someday because I did I will make Heaven.

New Start

Each new day brings new opportunists. A new sun to start anew.
Second chances brings all things around to the start again.
What I don't understand is why people hold onto the past. I mean the bad things that has happened to them. Watching these new TV shows it seems like everyone is on a revenge kick. There out to get revenge on those who hurt them. The bible says In Psalms revenge is mine saith the Lord. So why do we get all riled up over past transgressions? If someone can forgive a person for abusing them as a child then why can't others forgive as well? I know it's not easy. There will be days you wake up filled with anger over a really bad incident that happened. But if Jesus forgave those who persecuted him and crucified him on the cross then we should be able to forgive our fellow man or woman any transgressions they caused us.

Things to Come

I know that I haven't wrote on here in awhile. I have several drafts saved that I'm working on and once there done I will have some stuff to publish. Right now I'm working on a poem I wrote and a tribute to my grandfather. The grandfather that was a preacher. Both my grandfather's died before I was born. But my mom's dad has a special meaning in my life. See I think he had the disease I do and I think even though he died, he found ways to overcome it. Even though he's gone I look to him for help. I have some of his sermons. When I'm feeling really bad I look over his sermons they always seem to give me strength. Or better yet God does through them. It's hard for me to talk about my grandfather. Someone that means so much to me because of a disease we may share and whom I've never met on this earth.

Petition for a Cure!!

Please help by signing this petition for congress to support more research for Porphyria and other genetic diseases. Time to find a cure! The time is now! Who else besides me is sick and tired of waiting around for other people to do something about our illness? It's time to stand and say we want a cure! Please do more genetic testing, more scientific research to help us find a cure. If your with me please sign. Thanks for your help!

Sign Petition

25 For Life!

So last month I did it! Yes, I finally turned 30. And in my old age of middle aged crisis I have come to realize one thing, from now on I am 25 for life! Yep, if you ask my age 25, every birthday after this I will be 25, When I get married and have kids *if* and the kids are all grown I'm still 25!!!!!!!!!!!! You hit a point where you realize that your 30, 30! Not young in your teens, or in your 20's, but 30! And it just hits you, where has my life gone? So now maybe I am officially 30 but I don't think like I'm 30, my mind is still somewhere in the twenties, my body doesn't look my age, and if it wasn't for my sickness I wouldn't act my age either! So what age am I 25 for life!!!

Fourth of July Thoughts

 

“The care of human life and happiness and not their destruction is the first and only legitimate object of good government.” - Thomas Jefferson

Happy 4th of July!

The thought above was on facebook 

Here are a couple I came up with.

When we forget ourselves look to the men and women who died to give us our freedom and be reminded of all the things we take for granted!! Happy Independence day!!

 

As for the true independence of life, be reminded of Christ's sacrifice on the cross and know that our sins our forgiven. Happy Christian Independence Day!!