Only The Lord

Living a life filled with purple while others don't understand.
I speak and I speak but to deaf ears does my words fall for they cannot understand.
I might as well be talking to a brick wall for it goes in one ear and out the other.
No wonder I feel like screaming I can't get any competent person to understand.
That this disease I have is driving me to my whit's end.
But I have one source of hope, one well of eternal comfort.
One who understands my pain and frustration.
For on the cross He bore my sin, sickness, shame, and pain.
Yes, it's Jesus Christ the Lord above who gets me through these trying days.
I must confess that if it weren't for the Lord I don't know where I'd be today for He keeps me sane in the midst of these prickly thorns and snares I wade throughout the day.

Ode To A Smurf

Ode To A Smurf "as poet smurf would say"

Ode to a smurf who spends their day smurfing around through the forest yon 
Living in a tiny village somewhere throughout this world
Ode to a smurf in their smurfy blue forms.

Ode to a smurf whose must escape Gargamel's clutches
And let us not forget Azrael too. 
This nasty twosome always trying to smurf nap those cute little blues.

Ode to a smurf and a smurfy life in a mushroom all their own
From Smurfette, to Papa, to Hefty, Handy, Poet, Wild, and Baby too
But lets not forget those cute little smurflings that smurfs along too.

Ode to a smurf in a smurfy world all their own
Living and singing melodies from dawn till dusk
Helping one another like the rest of the world should.

Oh ode to a smurf my favorite little blue creatures
Three apples high unless their smurflings then only two
Ode to these little smurfs who smurfs a smurfy life throughout their whole smurfy world.

Ode to a smurf and as a smurf may say
Smurf this, smurf that, smurf, smurf, all the day
Smurfilicous, smurferrific, smurftacular even, lets smurf and be smurfy for all our smurfy days.

Things That Calm Me Down

I know these are going to sound silly, but when I'm upset or just sad or even depressed from the doctors news here's what calms me down.

1) Praying
2) Reading the Bible
3) Watching certain TV shows, here's where it gets silly... 

TV Shows That Calms 

1) Gidget (with Sally Field)
2) Zoey 101
3) Anything Tinker Bell (lol, especially the Secret of the Wings)
4) My Favorite Martian ( Yes I have a thing for old TV shows)
5) Cartoons, try to hang onto your seat,,,,, My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, Smurfs, Snorks, Gummi Bears, Duck Tales, Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers, Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse.... Yes I know, but who cares, there fun, silly, and brings me peace....

Moving on:

4) Playing games, like nintendo games, pogo games, games on ipod, just playing games.

5) Looking at pictures of places that gives me hope, like pretty waterfalls, places I want to visit, paintings of imaginary creatures like fairies, lol. 

6) Listening to certain music, now if I really down sometimes listening to Johnny Cash will make me feel better, yes go figure but it does. Oh and pretty much anytime The Beach Boys will always cheer me up!! If every body had an ocean across the USA everybody be surfin like California.  And of course Christian music always makes me feel better.

7) Last, but most certainly not least reading my grandfather's sermons, looking at his picture, and imagining a world that's better because of him.  

Porphyria And The Unknown

So living with a rare genetic blood disease like Porphyria leaves you with a lot of the unknown, especially when the disease gets really bad and the doctors keep telling you bad news. Like recently the doctors told me I have a non alcoholic fatty liver, now a new test shows a enlarged spleen and some cysts around my heart. I can't help but think about my grandfather and his horrific death. Even though it was in the seventies before I was born, it's scary, because he suffered so. I trust in God and I believe that God will not take me before my time, before he's ready for me to go home. It's just fear and stress, and health issues, I can't begin to explain how it makes you feel. Especially if you have a grandfather who died in this horrific way and you have some similarities. I learned long ago all I can do is trust in God. I'm just tried, I'm tried of hurting, I'm tried of fighting to live each and every day. I just want to be well. I'm not giving up, I'm a fighter don't get me wrong. It just becomes a burden, like Apostle Paul said in the bible he had a thorn in the flesh, this is my thorn in the flesh, and it is a burden. But we learn that no burden is too big for God to handle. And Jesus Christ died for us, for our souls to save, our bodies to heal, he died for it all and with that we as believers know that by grace we are saved. By faith we have believed, and faith can move a mountain. So I have faith that God will see me through again. If there's one thing I could tell anyone who's hurting it's this, Faith makes all the difference!

Jewish Ancestry

So we all go back to someone of Jewish descent because Adam and Eve were the first two people on this earth and they were Jewish. So somewhere in our past we all come from Jewish ancestry. My grandmother is into genealogy and has researched one side of her family back to bible days and although she is not able to prove it she thinks someone pretty interesting is related to us. I'm not going to say who it is right now because I'm waiting for my grandmother to send me what she has so I can do my own digging and maybe find out for sure. But also on my dad's side I think there is more Jewish in me than I first thought. I have to do some research into that as well, but some of the American Indians were originally Jewish. And my dad has a lot of Indian in him. And some of the people that he's related to makes me wonder if they were of Jewish descent. I don't know why but the last few months I have become more obsessed with the Jewish religion, way of life, and who I am related to that was Jewish. 

I don't know what it is but finding out who I am related to has become important to me. And since the Jews are God's chosen people it is even more important to me to find out if they are Jewish. Maybe I've lost it, I don't know. All I know is something inside me is craving to find out, needing to know, needing answers to my past and why I am the way that I am. If heritage has something to do with shaping you, I want to know if it's true and how much Jewish I have in me.  That would be something far beyond words could say, how proud it would be to be Jewish. 

Jewish and Christian Prayers

Most people may wonder why I'm so interested in Judaism when I'm a Christian. It's very simple really as a Christian I believe Christianity was founded on Judaism  I believe that Christ came to fulfill the law and the prophecies that the prophets had prophesied about. Jesus Christ is a Christians Savior but what most people may forget is He was a Jew. Because the Jews are God's chosen people. So naturally I am wondering what Judaism teaches and what they believe and what things they hold sacred. So, I came up with two prayers one is for Christians and the other for Jews, since Jews don't believe in Jesus, unless they are messianic Jews. 

Christian Prayer:

Jesus thank you for dying for us to wash away our sins when we come to you and ask forgiveness. Thank you for being God and saving our souls and healing our bodies. Lord please set your holy angels around us and keep us safe from harm and let no evil of flesh or of spirit come against us. Let us live in your spirit and keep your commandments in Jesus name I pray amen.

Jewish Prayer:

God above please hear our cry. Watch over us, lead and guide us throughout our lives. Help us to always be safe from harm and set your holy angeles around us at night. Keep us safe from any harm of flesh or of spirit and let goodness live in us always. Keep those who would wish us harm away from us and let your holy protection be upon us. Lead us throughout our lives into your truth. And let Israel prosper for all time. And may the God of Israel reign forevermore and throughout all time. Let the Jewish people prosper, let God reign, and may the God of Israel be upon us tonight. In the name of the God of Israel amen. 

The Night I Died And Lived To Tell About It

That night was many years ago. I was still in high school. I've only talked about it a few times because many times I get the are you out of your mind look. So I quit talking about it. It is now that I realize that when God preforms a miracle it is not my place to hide it but to share it. So whether you believe or not this is my story of the night I died and lived to tell about it.

I have been sick all my life it wasn't until right after high school the doctors figured out what I had. I spent many years in a lot of pain without any answers and no one knew except my parents and God. I didn't tell people about my sickness back then because what would I say? Hi, I'm constantly in extreme pain my stomach feels like a thousand knives are craving out my insides, my periods are not normal, they are very painful and even hospitalizing. I frequently get paranoid and so on. No, I couldn't say any of that or any of the other many symptoms I have because I would look like a dope. But screw it, all bets are off, these are most certainly the last days before the Lord's return. So I must tell my story, right?

One night in high school I went to bed as usual. In a lot of pain and nothing to do about it. But what happened next is what changed my life forever. Probably not long after I fell asleep I died. How do I know this? Simple many wonders happened that night. One of which I saw my grandfather who died long before I was born. He was a minister and missionary. A great Christian leader in his day. And for reasons I don't fully understand I can't begin to tell you what we talked about, because I don't remember much of what was said. I know that I talked with him for what seemed like hours. There are certain parts of my experience that I am leaving out like the setting I was in and something he said to me because I don't want to go into detail about the setting and I don't know how to explain what he said to me. The next thing I knew he started to go up like flying upwards and he reached out his hand for me and I took it and we both were going up beyond clouds into the Heavens and just before these two huge doors. And the doors were made out of material I don't even know how to describe. The designs on them were so intricate and out of this world that nothing down here could compare to the massiveness there. And my grandfather stopped turned around and said "No, you have too much work left to do." And with that I woke up gasping for breath because I could not breathe, and I could feel this presence of death, and the worst thing of all I could smell my own rotting flesh and that is a smell unlike any other that you never forget for the rest of your life. To wake up after being so close to Heaven; gasping for breath and smelling your own rotting flesh is a feeling unlike any other. On one hand your glad to be alive, on the other your sad to see Heaven pass by. It's like a beautiful painting that is ripped into and you only have one part of it and the other part is gone. But God brought me back to life so He wants me to live to help in His kingdom and that is what I must live for. So this is my story about the night I died, talked with my grandfather who has been gone from this earth many years, almost made it to Heaven, and woke up gasping for breath and worst of all smelling my own rotting flesh. Believe me if you will, if not then thats all right, but know this God is real, Heaven does exist, and we all will go somewhere when we die. Where will you end up is the question? Just try to live your life for God and make sure to tell others about the amazing gift of grace that Jesus has done for us on the cross. 

I live because of God, and I live for God. Jesus is my strength, Jesus is my God, and I believe He is the God of Israel.  

So in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, God of Israel, King of the Jews is my life dedicated to.