Porphyria: My Breaking Point

Sometimes life tends to be a bit messy. For me it is a constant threat. I try to be good, a Christian, and a light force for Christ Jesus. But so often I feel as if I failed. The disease that enthrones my body never lets me forget my failures, it constantly brings me to a place of pain and frustration, sadness, fear. It seems like I am always sick. Yesterday I went to the doctor and found out I have two different kinds of infection. I got a cortisone shot for the pain only to have an allergic reaction to it. I thought that I would end up in the emergency room like before when I had allergic reaction to medicines. But this reaction was quite different. As if a Porphyria attack such as sharp knives gauged at my stomach, then several hard places, like hard circles in my stomach, sides, back, and legs started throbbing as if they all had heart beats that were throbbing erratically and about to explode. The first thought that came to my mind was my grandfather's death and how he had blood clots all over his body when he died. My worst fear is dying like he died. But I know that his death doesn't mean that it would be mine. Otherwise God wouldn't have healed me when he did and saved me from death when I was younger when the disease tried to take my life. I know that I am here for a reason. So last night when I was sure I was going to need an emergency room, and I started sobbing and telling my mom she prayed for me. And through prayer God heard our cry and I started to feel better right away. I always forget that my mom is very sensitive to her father's death, not long after she started crying as well and I had to console her. Sometimes I try to keep stuff to myself that involves him because I know that it will upset her. But I needed her help at last, I needed someone to pray for me. And so did she need someone to pray for her. See we all need prayer, our worst fears will consume us without prayer, and our sickness will kill us without it. For me prayer and God is the only thing in this world that keeps me going. I would not be where I am today without God. I would not be alive today without God. God is what keeps me grounded. Otherwise the sickness would overcome me and I would not be able to go on. The sadness I feel with this sickness can be unbearable, the emotional turmoil, the physical pain that has been said is one of the worst painful diseases in the world, the battles to be fought are unbearable on your own. No, without Jesus Christ I could not overcome and would not be alive today. Last night I was reminded of the times God has healed me over and over again, saved me from death, brought me back from the dead, and kept me alive to tell his miracles and mercies another day.