I do NOT blame God!!

I too have gone through the grief process with having porphyria. I went through the why me part, to the I can get over it part, and the Denial I don't have this part. To the God can heal me and He did so I can live with this part. I understand that it is necessary to go through the grief process with any kind of illness really. Because you have to go through or at least it just seems like you do when your sick like that. Some sort of grief process anyways. I started mine when I was in junior high. After I had been really sick and it wasn't going away. And I think I just come to terms with it just this last year or so, cause I would go through my denial phases where I don't have this, I can do anything stage!! WRONG! Anyways, I agree God does not put on us more than we can handle. But I also have a weird outlook on things myself. I don't think God gave me this diease, I don't think God gave the lady at my church cancer, I don't think God made any little baby be born deformed, I don't think God causes anyone to commit a crime, I don't think God is reasonible for any kind of sickness or cruelty in this world, rape, murder, etc. Because God created a good and perfect world. He created man and woman good and perfect. And WE chose to sin. With sin came sickness, and death. It wasn't God who created those things. We did. The person who murders someone is responsible of their own actions, no body else. You can say he was tricked by the devil, but even the devil didn't comit the crime, that man did. The devil lays all kinds of temptations for everyone, he alone brings in bad to this world, but the people who fall into those tempations are responsible for their own falling, their own actions and sins, no one else, not even the devil. So to me God did not make me with any kind of sickness. He made me a perfect body. As for gentic disorders well my theory is that through each generation with sin and coruptness they some how get worse. Like our body mutates or something. I know it sounds weird, but I have a HUGE problem with people who blame God for ANYTHING, sickness, death, a crime, anything. Because it's NOT HIS FAULT!! He didn't create the crime in this world, people did. And with sin comes all sorts of other things. So even though I do have a rare blood disease, that is uncurable, to some extent untreatable, and has already tried to take my life, and may yet try to take it again, I DO NOT and WILL NOT blame God for it, because I know God did not give it to me, sin did. Look on the positive side of life, there's always a silver lining. I guess no matter what happens, no matter what the devil throws my way, no matter how sick I get, no matter what people done or will do to me, I will always belive in the goodness and perfect grace of Jesus Christ, and I will always know that God is GOOD and no bad comes from good. And that's how I know He died for us, that's how I know He came to save us, that's how I know I had to put my complete faith and trust in Him and NOBODY ELSE! He alone gives me the strength each day to even get out of bed, He alone gives me the happiness I feel through the storms I face EACH day of my life. He alone gives me grace to slid through the storms and overlook all the bad that seems to come my way, it's HE ALONE that GETS ME THROUGH EACH DAY!!!

Billy Ray Cyrus song Somebody said a Prayer

This song was very good. I was so impressed when I heard it, it made me get down on my knees and pray as well, and as you know from reading my blog I do a lot of praying on my own. Check out his song it will move you.

Finally a Cure???????????

Finally there is suppose to come a cure out in 2010 for Porphryia. While I don't know the full extent of this cure, what it is or how it works, or even if it's for all types of Porphyria, I am hopefull that maybe one day I will feel "normal" like the rest of the world?? I am always sepekial when stuff comes out. I want to wait a few months or so and see how other people do with these new found cures before I jump into the action. If something terribly goes wrong, I don't want to be the one it goes wrong on. Apparently they are testing it out now, for two years until they release it. So hopefully it will work as I'm praying for it to. If it does, I will be so relieved that maybe I will be pain free and not have so many Porphryia attacks. But what about the last 26 years of my life that is down the drain because of Porphyria? Who knows, I guess I just have to start from scracth and pray for a new life without Porphyria and without lots of doctor visits, hospital trips, pain medicine, horrific pain, etc. And maybe the rest of my life will fall into place, one can only hope and pray for that. I started crying the other day in church when the preacher said there would be a day that would be when Jesus would call us up to Heaven and change our mortal bodies to immortal bodies. And as he was saying this I suddenly realized that there would be no pain, no heart ache, no pain meds, no hospitals, I would be pain free. I can only hope and pray for such a day..................

My thoughts~~~~

I wonder if pigs could really fly.....
Maybe money could grow on trees, if I plant a quarter would it sprout dimes and nickles.....
Do you think there's gold buried near by......
If I drink something blue, but then drink something purple would my pee be blue/purple.....
Is Luke Wilson gay, or is he just waiting for me to come along.......
I wonder if a TRUE mud bath would work, maybe I should take off my clothes and roll around in the mud and find out.......
What's pie squared... Who cares, not like we ever are going to use it.....
If I could fly I'd visit Ireland right now......
Has anyone figured out what the stupid white block thing acutally does in Mario Brothers 3..
Oh, I would like my stomach to quite hurting, and my pains in my side to stop, maybe if I think real hard about them not hurting, it would make them stop......
How many clothes could Rachel wear, if Rachel could fit in her clothes, Could Rachel wear 20 or 30 or could she only fit a pair.....
Oh Mr. Mail please bring me a treat, wrap in dollars and call me sweet, let me know how much you care, Oh Mr. Mail man please bring me some makeup from Sephora.....
I see London, I see France, I don't have any underpants.....
Jack and Jill went up a hill, Jack was a guy and lost his way, while Jill ran around trying to find him.......
Adam was the first guy, Eve was the first girl and they both had a apple tree. Adam was too dumb to find the tree, but Eve was too smart so she did eat, now she gave Adam an apple, and Adam didn't know what it was, so being a guy he just took it, now they are both being punished by God, cause God forbid them to eat of the apple. So Eve had to bare children and Adam had to work to find food, and to this day it's a wonder way I can't stand apples........
I've held my pee as long as I could, now I must go find an out house, I need to pee, I'm sure you don't care, I must find an out house, maybe I do have indoor plumbing and I could use my toilet, I don't know, and I don't care, I have to pee badly so I'll pee anywhere......................................

Painful days!!

The last few days has been rough on me. So painful. I hate dealing with a rare disease cause it magnifies everything else 10 times to what it normally should be, and no one understands the constant pain I'm in. I will be so happy if they ever come out with a cure for Porphyria. Sometimes I don't think I can make it through any more attacks or painful days, and it's almost feels like I'm sliping away. But then somehow God always reaches down and touches me and makes the pain go away and saves my life over and over again from this horrid disease that's tried to take it so many times. It comes to a point to where you can't even take any more pain pills, because you've already taken enough, and too many aren't good for you. So you just live in horrid pain. If only we had the Pool of Siloam here like they did in the Bible days, I'd rush my tired crippled hurting body to the pool, even though I can't swim, and jump in and let God heal me and completly rid me of this disease. And then pray I don't drown, lol. But life is full of mistakes, bad things, and pain. I guess we just have to shift through the bad and bring out the good in everything. My bad has brought good in my walk with God, it's shown me the healing power of God and how faith can truely save a soul and heal a body, with trust in God.

Porphryia day again!!!

Well today is porphyria day for me again. Blah, blah, blah. I'm on a period from hell, and I hate this disease. But everything can only get better right. I hate it when my periods comes and kicks in and takes over. But, it's a good thing I have my precription pain pills. Now the only problem is feeling groggy or having horrible period pains, oh the horror...

Friends and family will forsake you but Christ will be there forever!!!

In the Bible Christ says that His own did not receive Him. His family and friends turned on Him. Today there are times that our own family and friends will turn on us, just like they turned on Christ. They don't understand our way of life in Christ, or they don't like Christians, whatever the reason may be, not everyone in this world will accept us. But I know that no matter how many family members or friends I loose, I will always have Christ by my side. And He is more powerful then them all and He is the only one I really need in my life. If you have people that have turned their backs on you, do not give up, trust in Christ to see you through. Because just as Christ was an outsider the Bible also says we'll be outsiders too. Some people don't accept a true life in Christ. They will only go so far as a Christian and then back off and walk away. People like that are just not worth the loss. We need Christ so much more than we need anyone else. They are not accountable for our actions or our souls, we are. So don't let some minor set back or small minded person ruin your life and your realtionship, and your ministry in Christ. Press on for the gospel, press on for Christ, be strong like the Apostles, and you'll have the ultimate reward in the end. Press on!