God I Need You Now

God I Need You Now

God I lay here once again disease has stricken me

I lie awake at night begging for my sanity

I forget what to do when the problems overshadow me

But in my heart of hearts I could never forget you

And it is to you Oh Lord of whom I cling.

Now when the pain is high

And the disease is spread far and wide

Now when the sickness has come

Let me have some peace inside of me.

Please don’t let the disease completely take over me

Please don’t let me completely lose my sanity

Please forgive me now for what I do is not of my own

What I think, how I feel, are not of my choosing.

I am slowly being driven off of mad cliff

The angry villagers see me as a monster

There they are with their pitchforks pointing at me now

Poking me and now I’m falling falling down.

Please Lord don’t let me forget who I am.

And most of all Lord I pray don’t let me ever forget you or your amazing grace.

All these things I pray in Jesus Name today. Amen.

Master of Skies

Master of Skies

This is dedicated to my grandfather who was a minister and I found this poem in one of his sermons, so I decided to write something off of it. Here's the poem I found.

Whether the wrath of the storm tossed sea, or demons, or men, or whatever it be, no water can swallow the ship where lies the master of ocean and earth and skies.

And here's what I wrote. Part of it was written with reference to the disease I have, sometimes I go through phases where I feel as if the disease is killing me and so I cry upon God to save me.

We all fall, we all sink, and we all think we can’t do anything.

But there’s someone who cares who came from above to wipe away all our tears.

So we can forget about ourselves and focus on the master of all of all earth and all skies and all things we behold with our eyes.

We think the universe revolves around all our plans.

But we don’t stop to think that there’s a master plan.

We don’t need to fear, we can put all worry out of here.

Because we trust in the one who creates new life in everyone.

Follow the master of the sky and He will show you the way tonight.

Lilies that grow up wide spread out beyond our eyes.

A meteor a fallen star a burned out orb of the sky.

Fallen hard to earth fallen hard to be burned.

But do we see its beauty, the beauty of a star even in the lights of dimness.

Webs we weave of men’s dainties. Lies we tell to ease thee.

But we need not do these things.

For everything is opened and shown anyways.

Open arms sprung out wide, running feet meet the master tonight.

Dreary of night leave me now, ray of light shine down on me now.

Giver of life to my soul come thou forth and make me whole.

This world is a sad and lonely place, but with your help I can make it a better place.

But I cannot do it alone, and the disease that washes over my soul needs to be taken care of so I can serve you some more here on the earth.

Bring thine hand and touch my head, my stomach, my sides, wherever it hurts, put fourth your hand into my stomach and change the way things works.

You did this once before for me, please Lord do it again, my mother couldn’t take my leave.

I must muster some strength to go on; I must overcome this devil that attached itself to my side.

I must pull the thorn out and flee from this place tonight.

Psalm 119: 165

Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.

See Within

I see them for who they really are demons with a black heart.

I look into their dark eyes and see everlasting darkness disguised as light.

They come and lead the rest of us astray, but it’s our duty to resist them today.

Don’t follow the evil ones; don’t give your soul to devils.

When they knock don’t let them in.

Lock the doors; shut the windows, bar the corners of your heart.

They will try to get in through the cracks, but if you resist them their efforts will be futile.

I see them for who they really are demons with a black heart.

Trying to prey on the innocent and week, trying to shred all our humanity.

Oh the weight and guilt I feel just looking at them.

I see them for who they really are, I see beyond their facade. I see the darkness that lies beneath the innocent smile they use to deceive.

I see the horror in them; I discern the spirits I’m up against.

God gives me comfort in him and lets me see them for who they really are.

Many will be led astray and many will fall today.

Don’t be one who gets lost among the prey.

Beautiful Dream

Living with this thorn in my side is like living with piranhas in a small fish tank.

Sometimes I feel really bad on the inside while other times I feel like I’m being fried alive.

While quite insane that may seem, feeling bad is just a beautiful dream, because through the pain that I feel inside it pushes me to want to know more and find a cure for others like me.
When I feel the pain a lot of times it drives me insane.

Not literally you see, just freaks me out, brings me to my knees.  

Because it’s so painful and horrific and there’s no way for me to stop it.

No cure yet has been found, but I’m going to school to research science so I can learn medicine.

So maybe someday soon I hope I will be quite normal like many others I know. 
So through pain and confusion you can still dream, maybe someday it will be, or maybe some other dream will you seek, either way you have found hope through the pain.

It’s a beautiful dream I have to research and find a cure for this inferiority.  

About a year later...

But fate has stepped in now and school has been postponed once again.

For the disease can be so crippling that it stops your life, hopes, and dreams.

But no worries you see because I still have the beautiful dream of getting my degree and finding a cure for all the people like me.

Fly

Ever since I was younger I had a dream to fly. Couldn’t get it out of my head no matter how hard I tried. I would imagine I had wings and would fly all around up in the sky with the angels and nothing could bring me down. So I dreamed I could fly, wanted it so very bad, but eventually I grew up and accepted this human flesh. And so now that I’m older I must confess that dream never did die. I still dream of flying like the angels in the sky. I think of growing wings, so big and beautiful, full of colors and designed with so intricate workmanship. No one seems to understand it, thank I’ve finally cracked, but ever since I was a child wings are what I would dream of. When I wasn’t thinking of Jesus, when God wasn’t on my mind, in a way I was always thinking of him, because it’s with his angels I dreamed I could fly. I want to fly take off soaring up through the clouds reach out into our solar system and never come down. Just fly all around the world wouldn’t it be great, a crazy dream I have, I know you must think I’m insane. For me to still cling onto my childhood dream. I just want to fly, grow wings and start running then take off up higher and higher no bringing me down now. Because I can fly, up high with the angels, keep flying up to heaven, I know that wouldn’t work, but think how awesome that would be to try. Wouldn’t it be grand to fly. I want to fly, spread my wings and soar up through the skies, let me stay up here on cloud nine, don’t bring me down just let me fly. I want to fly, let me spread my wings and fly.